


to love.

by onceuponaloonatic



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Don't worry, F/F, Inspired by Clannad, Kinda, Lots of Angst, and clannad after story, and sana loves nayeon, implied gp? kinda, it's only really mentioned once, mihyo are sana's moms, nayeon hates everyone but sana, nayeon loves sana, sana is sick :(, there will be a part two, this got long oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 39,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28428363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onceuponaloonatic/pseuds/onceuponaloonatic
Summary: Nayeon hated Seoul. She had hated it for as long as she could remember. The city made her sick to her very core, and she wanted nothing more than to leave. She had tried to leave a couple of times, but she always found herself back there. It was like she was stuck. No matter how hard she tried to leave, she always found herself back in Seoul. She hated the city. She hated the people. She hated the bright neon lights on her walk home at night. She hated her parents. She hated herself while she was there. She hated her miserable existence. The logical part of her knew it wasn’t the city’s fault, but she couldn’t help but blame it. She hated Seoul, and she was convinced she would never not hate it.But despite all this, there were people that made her happy there.At first, she thought it was impossible for her to be happy there. That the city was like a curse, and it kept her miserable while trapping her there. But then, she met Sana.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Kim Dahyun, Im Nayeon/Minatozaki Sana, Myoui Mina/Park Jisoo | Jihyo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

Nayeon hated Seoul. She had hated it for as long as she could remember. The city made her sick to her very core, and she wanted nothing more than to leave. She had tried to leave a couple of times, but she always found herself back there. It was like she was stuck. No matter how hard she tried to leave, she always found herself back in Seoul. She hated the city. She hated the people. She hated the bright neon lights on her walk home at night. She hated her parents. She hated herself while she was there. She hated her miserable existence. The logical part of her knew it wasn’t the city’s fault, but she couldn’t help but blame it. She hated Seoul, and she was convinced she would never not hate it.

But despite all this, there were people that made her happy there.

At first, she thought it was impossible for her to be happy there. That the city was like a curse, and it kept her miserable while trapping her there. But then, she met Sana. 

Nayeon kept to herself mostly in school. She had friends, sure. She had Chaeyoung. She had Dahyun. She had Momo. She liked them, and there were times where she could enjoy herself with them. But, she never truly felt happy until she met Sana.

Sana had transferred into her class on a warm day in Spring. Nayeon thought nothing of it at first, just ignoring her and staring out the window. The teacher had assigned Sana to sit in the empty seat right next to Nayeon. That seat had been empty all year, and Nayeon had been okay with that.

“Hello, my name is Sana.” Nayeon turned when she heard Sana directly speaking to her. “What’s your name?”

“Nayeon,” Nayeon answered, looking at Sana a bit confused. Normally people didn’t talk to her. Chaeyoung said it’s because she had a resting bitch face, but Nayeon had responded that her face was fine.

“Well Nayeon, it’s nice to meet you.” Sana gave Nayeon the brightest prettiest smile Nayeon had probably ever seen in her life that day. Later, she would think she may have fallen in love with Sana right then.

From that day onwards, Sana greets her every morning with that same pretty smile. She asks Nayeon how her morning was and if she had finished her homework and if she had eaten breakfast. Nayeon wasn’t used to it, used to someone caring so much about her. Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Momo cared about her, but not in the way Sana did. And it confused Nayeon, because she had done absolutely nothing to make Sana care about her.

“Good morning Nayeon.” Sana greeted her like every morning. “How are you this morning?”

“Fine…” Nayeon sighed, looking away from Sana’s smile. It was so stupidly pretty, it made her heart skip a beat.

“I’m great this morning.” Nayeon hadn’t asked, but Sana didn’t seem to mind. “I got up early this morning and made breakfast. Did you do the homework last night?”

“Yeah.” In high school, Nayeon had foolishly believed that if she worked hard in school she could escape Seoul and go to a good college far away.

“I did it too, but I found it pretty tricky.” Sana laughed. It was then that Nayeon vaguely remembered the teacher saying Sana was from Japan when she had first introduced her to the class. “I had to get Jihyo Unnie to help me with the Korean.” Sana had mentioned this Jihyo person multiple times in her mostly one-sided conversations with Nayeon. Nayeon didn’t know who she was, but Sana seemed to like her. “Oh! Did you have breakfast?”

“No…” Nayeon trailed off. Chaeyoung had tried to get them to stop at a bakery on their walk to school but Nayeon had rolled her eyes and said she didn’t want to waste her allowance on bread. Chaeyoung still went in anyway, but Nayeon waited outside.

“That’s no good! You should eat in the morning!” There it was again. Nayeon had no idea why Sana cared about her so much. She was such a jerk to Sana. She didn’t deserve her being so nice to her. “Here!”

“Huh?” Nayeon looked over to see Sana shoving a granola bar into her face. “What’s this?”

“You need to eat,” Sana answered. “I’ve been carrying this around in case I didn’t have time to eat breakfast, but you need it more.”

“What no I-” Nayeon was interrupted as the teacher came into the classroom. Sana was looking at her with expectant eyes, and Nayeon knew she wouldn’t give up until Nayeon took the granola bar. Nayeon sighed, taking the granola bar and putting it in her bag. Sana had a stupid grin on her face as their first-class began, and Nayeon hated how warm her chest felt.

She ate the bar at lunch. She always ate lunch with Chaeyoung, Dahyun, and Momo, despite the fact the three were in a different class. 

“I just- I don’t understand her.” Nayeon groaned as she took a bite out of the granola bar. “Why is she so nice to me? I don’t get it.”

“Maybe she likes you?” Chaeyoung teased, opening her lunch box Momo had bought for her.

“I think she’s just trying to be your friend Nayeon,” Momo commented. “She’s new, and she’s trying to find friends here. You should befriend her, you only have about three friends.” 

“Well, why does she want to be my friend? There are plenty of people in this school for her to bother.” Nayeon rolled her eyes.

“I think you're just not used to people being nice to you,” Dahyun mumbled between bites of her sandwich. “You know that there’s such a thing as kindness right? It wouldn’t kill you to show some back to her.”

“She’s not used to it.” Chaeyoung laughed. “Nayeon Unnie is never kind.” 

“Well, it’s not like you guys are kind to me either.” Nayeon rolled her eyes, finishing off the bar. “But… What should I do about her?”

“Be nice back? Not be an asshole like you normally are?” Dahyun suggested.

“I’m not an asshole,” Nayeon responded.

“Unnie how many words have you said to Sana since she started talking to you? Three?” Chaeyoung teased. “It wouldn't kill you to at least talk to the girl. She’s trying to be your friend. I have no clue as to why she wants to be friends with you but you should at least be polite.”

“Shut up.” Nayeon snipped. “I hate all three of you.”

“Yeah, we know.” Momo giggled. “Just be nice to her, you never know, you could make a new friend.”

“Or more.” Chaeyoung joked.

“No.” Nayeon nodded.

“Come on, you always have a dumb look on your face when you talk about her. Do you like her?” Chaeyoung teased.

“I don’t! She’s annoying!” Nayeon protested.

“Well, you should at least start responding to her properly. I know you're an asshole, but you're going to get bad karma if you keep being a jerk to her.” Dahyun commented.

“Yeah yeah. Whatever.”

Nayeon may have brushed them off, but she did take their words to heart, and they did have a point. Sana was so nice to her for absolutely no reason, the least she deserved was proper answers.

“Good morning Nayeon.” Sana greeted her the next morning. Nayeon took a deep breath, this was it. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” It was more than one word this time. 

“That’s great!” Sana smiled at her.

“H-How are you?” Nayeon forced herself to ask. When Sana didn’t answer she looked at her. A bit concerned. Sana had a stupidly excited look on her face, like a child on Christmas. “What?”

“You asked me a question.” Sana smiled at her. “I thought you hated me.” No, Nayeon didn’t hate Sana.

“I don’t.” She could see why Sana thought that, the way she treated her she was surprised even still talked to her. “So how are you doing?”

“I’m amazing.” Sana somehow smiled at her wider. “Thanks for asking!”

“Y-Yeah.” Nayeon looked away quickly to hide the blush on her face.

After that, Nayeon strives to answer Sana’s questions a little more thoroughly every day. It seems to excite Sana, who somehow smiled brighter and brighter every time Nayeon answered her questions more thoroughly. As much as she hated to admit it, she enjoyed their morning chats. And for the first time in her life, she found herself looking forward to something.

It was after a few weeks of her striving to be less of an asshole to Sana that she realized she had never seen Sana talking to anyone else in their class. One morning, she decides to ask her about it.

“Why don’t you talk to anyone else?” Nayeon asked one morning. Both she and Sana had gotten there early, and there weren’t many other students in the classroom. “I mean- Why try to talk to me. There’s plenty of other people here to talk to that would be way nicer.”

“Well…” That question seemed to stump Sana. “Maybe because I don’t want to be their friend?”

“Why not?” Nayeon asked. “You would probably be popular if you talked to literally anyone other than me.”

“Hm… I don’t want to be popular. I don’t have time for that. I just want to make you smile.” Sana answered a look Nayeon had never seen on her face before. It was different from the excitement and bright smiles Sana usually showed her.

“Why?” Nayeon asked, confusion building in her. Sana wanted to make her smile? Why did she care? 

“Because you look so sad all the time… I just want to make you smile.” Sana answered. Sad? No one had ever described Nayeon as looking sad. Angry yes plenty of times, but sad? Never had anyone said that. “Is that wrong?” Nayeon hated the sad look on Sana’s face.

“No… I guess. Do whatever you want.” Nayeon sighed. “But don’t you want friends?”

“Aren’t we friends?” Nayeon was taken aback by the question.

“I mean… sure.” Nayeon sighed. She hadn’t really thought of Sana as her friend, but she didn’t want to disappoint her. “But don’t you want to make other friends? Real friends?”

“I don’t have time for that. I’m too busy.” Sana giggled. “I’m happy with just you being my friend.”

“You're weird.” Nayeon rolled her eyes.

“I am not!” Sana pouted.

“Are too.” Nayeon giggled at Sana’s pout. It was adorable, even if Sana was trying to look angry. 

That was the first-day Nayeon had ever smiled at Sana. it wasn’t a huge smile, but it was enough for Sana to be happy. And Nayeon hadn’t even realized it yet, but Sana’s happiness mattered to her. 

After that day, Sana starts hanging around her even more. She starts following her around during lunch and eventually Nayeon invites her to eat with Momo, Chaeyoung, and Dahyun. Sana smiles brightly and accepts the invitation. She fits right in with those three, but it doesn’t surprise Nayeon at all. Sana was weird, and they were too. Sana and Momo end up especially close. They were both from Japan, and they bonded over it. Sana completes their little group, and Nayeon thinks this is the first time she actually starts to enjoy school.

Sana still asks her the same questions every morning. She still says good morning to Nayeon every morning. But now, the morning isn’t the only time she and Sana talk. They talk at lunch. They talk during breaks at school. And eventually, it gets to the point where they start talking after school. Nayeon didn’t expect herself to get so close to Sana, but she actually enjoyed it. Sana made her feel a little less miserable. Happy almost.

“Do you want to walk home with me today Nayeon?” Sana asks one day, a hopeful smile on her face as she and Nayeon back up. “It’s a really pretty day. And Dahyun, Momoring, and Chaeyoung all have after school activities. I would hate for you to be lonely.”

“I guess.” She normally walked home with Chaeyoung, but lately, Chaeyoung had been staying at school late for art club. “Where do you live?”

“I live pretty close by. Only about ten minutes from here.” Sana answered.

“Alright, let’s go.” Nayeon sighed, she and Sana leaving the classroom together. They walked outside and Sana started leading them away from the school.

“What about you?” Sana asked. “Where do you live?”

“I have to take the train to get home,” Nayeon answered. 

“The train station is the other way!” Sana squeaked out. “Let’s turn around, I’ll walk you there.”

“No, it’s okay.” Nayeon sighed, looking up at the sky. There were barely any clouds out, and the sun was shining brightly. Summer was approaching fast, so it was already starting to get warmer than Nayeon liked it. “You have stuff to do after school right?”

“How did you know?!” Sana asked, a confused look on her face. Nayeon almost laughed at her, it was pretty cute.

“Well, you said you were busy once. I just assumed you had stuff to do every day.” Nayeon shrugged. “I have nothing to do, so I don’t mind walking you home.”

“Thank you.” Sana smiled at her, swinging her school bag.

“Do you have a job or something? Is that what you meant by busy?” Nayeon asked as they walked.

“Something like that. I guess it’s kind of like a job, but I don’t get paid with money.” Sana answered. 

“So what are you giving away your labor for free? Isn’t that like illegal?” Nayeon sighed, looking over at Sana, a little concerned someone was exploiting her. Sana was too nice for her own good.

“No no, it’s nothing like that. I just help my sister with her bakery.” Sana explained. “She and her wife run a little bakery nearby.”

“Oh.” Nayeon nodded, her concern disappearing. “That makes sense.”

“Yeah, my sister and her wife were nice enough to let me live with them, so I help them out with the bakery to repay them. It’s the least I can do really.” Sana stopped walking for a second, a serious look on her face. Nayeon wasn’t used to not seeing a goofy smile on Sana’s face, and it hurt her a little to see it gone.

“Oh, you live with your sister?” Nayeon asked. They were still only in high school, it was unusual to hear about people that didn’t live with their parents. Even if Nayeon hated them, she did still live with her parents. “What about your parents? If you don’t mind me asking that is.”

“My parents passed away a long time ago,” Sana answered honestly. She had a sad look on her face, and Nayeon hated herself for making Sana sad. “My sister has been taking care of me ever since.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I asked.” Nayeon felt bad for asking. But she also was surprised Sana felt comfortable telling her that. Sure they were close, but she didn’t think they were that close. 

“No, no, it’s okay!” Sana giggled. “It happened a long time ago.”

“I see…” Nayeon trailed off. She had never imagined she would end up like this, walking home with Sana, having a serious talk like this. But she actually liked it. She didn’t think she would, but she was really happy to be here. 

“Oh, we’re here!” Sana got rid of the sad look on her face and forced herself to smile. Nayeon looked away from Sana and saw a small building. “Come on in, I’ll get you some free bread for walking me home.”

“Oh, you don’t have too-”

“Nonsense! Let’s go!” Sana giggled, grabbing Nayeon’s arm. Nayeon let herself get pulled inside. “I’m home!” Nayeon sighed when she heard Sana yell.

“Oh welcome home Sana.” There was only one person inside the bakery, a young-looking woman behind the counter. She had her hair tied up, and a pink apron on. “Did you bring a friend?”

“Yup.” Sana giggled. “This is Nayeon. Nayeon this is my sister, Mina.”

“H-Hello.” Nayeon was still processing everything that was happening.

“Is Jihyo Unnie in the back?” Sana asked.

“Yeah, she’s doing some paperwork.” Sana’s sister answered. Nayeon looked between the two of them, they didn’t look alike at all. Nayeon wouldn’t have guessed they were sisters in the first place.

“I’m going to get Nayeon some bread to take home. Do you mind Mina Unnie?”

“No, go ahead.” The woman had a warm smile, much like Sana.

“Okay great. Nayeon stay here.” Nayeon nodded dumbly as Sana ran around her.

“Sana-ya are you home?” Nayeon heard another voice ask. She turned towards it to see a short woman standing at the back doorway to the small bread shop.

“Hey Jihyo Unnie!” Sana smiled. “This is my friend Nayeon.”

“Hello.” Nayeon waved. She couldn’t help but feel awkward here, standing in the middle of the small bakery.

“Hi, this is the first time Sana’s brought home a friend. I’m her sister in law, Jihyo.” Jihyo walked over to her and offered her her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too.” One thing Nayeon had noticed was how nice everyone in Sana’s family was. They all seemed so happy. She wasn’t used to it.

“Sana-ya you should invite Nayeon to stay for dinner,” Jihyo commented as she watched Sana run around. Nayeon panicked, stay for dinner? She had never stayed for dinner at someone’s house before. Even Chaeyoung’s.

“Oh no, no Nayeon has to take the train to get home. If she stays too late she could miss her train.” Sana nodded. 

“The trains run pretty late. This is the first time you’ve brought a friend over, you should have her stay. Of course, if you have somewhere to be it doesn’t have to be today Nayeon-ya, but we would love to have you.” Nayeon noticed the slight blush on Sana’s face as she came back over to them.

“O-Okay.” Nayeon cursed herself. She had gotten close to Sana so fast, it was almost scary. But she wasn’t going to say no to Jihyo. The short woman had a hopeful look on her face, and she didn’t want to ruin it.

“Are you sure?” Sana asked. “You don’t have to-”

“Sure.” Nayeon sighed. “I’ll stay.” Sana’s face immediately lit up.

“Okay!” Sana giggled. “Here I’ll show Nayeon to my room and then come back down to help out. You don’t mind waiting do you?” Nayeon nodded at Sana’s question. “Great.” Sana grabbed Nayeon’s hand and pulled her through the door at the back of the bakery. Once they were through the door, they looked to be in Sana’s house. Sana pulled her upstairs, opening the first door they passed. “This is my room. You can wait here.” Sana’s room was pretty plain. There were a few pictures on the wall, but it was mostly empty save for Sana’s bed and desk. “Sorry, you have to wait by yourself.”

“Oh no, it’s okay.” Nayeon nodded, taking a seat on Sana’s bed. “I have nothing better to do anyway.”

“Great.” Sana smiled. “Here’s some bread if you want a snack. I’ll just be downstairs if you need me.” 

Once Sana was gone, Nayeon got her phone out and texted her group chat with Momo, Chaeyoung, and Dahyun. After explaining the situation, the three teased her relentlessly. Nayeon didn’t blame them, she had kind of put herself in this situation. But she decided the bright smile on Sana’s face was worth it.

While waiting for Sana, she couldn’t help but look at the pictures on her wall. She found one that had Sana when she was really young, holding hands with what looked like Mina and Jihyo. Both of them didn’t look too different than they did now, and Nayeon realized they were probably older than she had initially thought. In the picture, all of them were smiling brightly, just like she had seen from them today. The rest of the pictures were similar to that one. They all had Sana at various ages with Mina and or Jihyo, no one else.

Sana comes back up to get her in a few hours. By then Nayeon had decided to try and do her homework, and Sana smiles at the scene.

“Hello, sorry to bother you, but it’s time for dinner,” Sana told her.

“Oh okay.” Nayeon put her pencil down. She looked at Sana and then the pictures on her wall before following Sana out of her room. Sana led her downstairs to the back room where dinner was waiting.

“Hey Nayeon, thanks for waiting.” Jihyo greeted her. “Sorry for the sudden invitation, Sana had just never brought a friend over.”

“Jihyo Unnie!” Sana pouted.

“Oh, it’s okay…” Nayeon looked at the table, seeing four plates set out. She couldn’t remember the last time she had had a home-cooked meal. And it looked so good.

“Mina cooked everything today, she’s a great chef.” Nayeon followed Sana to the table, sitting next to her. 

“You flatter me.” Mina giggled at her wife’s words.

“Of course I do. We’re married.” Nayeon looked away when she saw Jihyo wrapping her arms around Mina from behind.

“Guys stop, we have a guest!” Sana blushed. “Let’s just eat.”

“Okay okay Sana.”

Nayeon felt awkward the whole meal, but Jihyo and Sana tried their best to make her not feel that way. Nayeon noticed Mina was a bit quieter, but the woman still seemed happy. Nayeon wasn’t used to family meals like that. Her parents both had always worked late, and they never ate together. Nayeon kind of liked it though. It was warm. It was nice to eat with others, even if she did feel a bit out of place. 

Sana and Mina both insist on washing the dishes after they all finish. Jihyo tells Nayeon to follow her and Nayeon does, a bit afraid to say no. Jihyo leads her out to the back porch and sits down, gesturing for Nayeon to sit next to her.

“Thanks for staying for dinner Nayeon… You really have no clue how much it means to me and Mina.” Jihyo started the conversation.

“O-Of course.” Nayeon cursed herself at her stutter.

“Really… Thank you for being Sana’s friend. She’s never really had a friend before.” Jihyo sighed. “We’ve been taking care of Sana since she was really young, but she’s never even mentioned having friends, let alone brought anyone home. Mina and I have always been worried about her. Even when she was in elementary school she would run home to help us with our work. She wants to help us in any way she can, even if it means she doesn’t have friends. We tried to give her a normal life and told her she didn’t have to help us, but she refused.”

“I see…” Nayeon trailed off, looking at the sky again. It was dark now, and there weren’t many stars visible due to the fact they were in the city.

“Anyway, all we’ve really wanted for Sana was for her to be happy. And you’ve made her happy. So thank you. You will probably never know how thankful we are.” Jihyo sighed, looking up at the sky as well. “Please keep being her friend and making her happy.”

“Huh?”

“Sana has never allowed herself to have friends. I know it may be a lot to ask, but please. Walk her home when you can. Hang out with her. Come over here and have dinner with us. Sana just- she needs this. I know I don’t know you very well and I shouldn’t ask this of you, but Sana is like a daughter to me, and I just want her to be happy. Please.” Jihyo seemed so desperate, and who was Nayeon to say no?

“Okay.” Nayeon sighed. She had no idea what she was doing, she had never really meant for this to happen when she said she would walk Sana home. But, she didn’t mind it strangely. She wanted to help.

“Thank you so much.” Jihyo smiled at her. “You have no clue how happy it makes me to know that our Sana finally is allowing herself to be a normal kid.”

That night, Nayeon realized how much Jihyo and Mina cared about Sana and her happiness. She had never had anyone care about her that much. She wouldn't say she was jealous, but she admired Sana. Sana had a loving family that would do anything for her, and she would do anything for them. It made sense why Sana was so sweet to her all the time. Because whether she liked it or not, she was now a part of Sana’s happiness.

She decided that night to take what Jihyo told her to heart. Even if she hadn’t intended to, she would get closer to Sana. She would be her friend. Walking home together became normal for Nayeon, and she would stay for dinner more often than not. Sana always seemed so happy when she stayed, and Nayeon couldn’t deny that seeing Sana happy made her heart swell. Mina and Jihyo take to her well, both of them practically adopting her into their family. Nayeon had never had people like them before, people that cared about her. Her own parents had never cared about her, at least not like Mina and Jihyo did.

Nayeon found herself overall happier with them. Chaeyoung, Dahyun, and Momo noticed too. They told her they were happy for her, and even if they teased her they encouraged Nayeon’s friendship with Sana and her family. Nayeon was, for the first time, enjoying herself. She enjoyed being with Sana. She enjoyed staying for dinner. She enjoyed laughing at Sana’s weird habits. She enjoyed Jihyo teasing her every day. She enjoyed Mina’s cooking and the shy smiles Mina would give her. She enjoyed them. 

But over time, she starts to notice her feelings towards Sana weren’t just friendship. She tried to deny it at first, but it never went away. She loved seeing Sana’s smiles every day. She loved seeing Sana bounce around the bakery while she worked. She loved Sana asking her how her morning was. She loved seeing Sana attempt to do the dishes. She loved seeing Sana giggle her way through lunch with Momo, Chaeyoung, and Dahyun. And one day, she realizes she loves Sana. 

She was afraid of admitting her feelings. She had never loved someone before and she had no idea what to do. And even if Chaeyoung teased her they were practically married already, she had no clue if Sana even thought of her that way. 

She got her answer though eventually. Nayeon had missed her train one night and Mina and Jihyo had offered their guest room to her for the night. Nayeon had no choice to agree, and Sana looked overjoyed at the concept of her staying the night. Nayeon doesn’t exactly know-how, but they end up on the balcony talking late into the night. 

“Hey Nayeonie… Do you ever imagine dating someone like me?” Sana asked after a while spent talking about nothing. Sana wasn’t looking at her, instead looking at the stars shining above. Nayeon was taken aback at the question. In the months of knowing Sana, she had never asked her anything like that.

“Someone like you?” Nayeon asked.

“Yeah. Someone like me.” Sana nodded, still looking at the stars.

“I-I guess.” A blush came to Nayeon’s cheeks.

“That’s good.” Sana giggled. “So would you ever?”

“Ever what?”

“Date someone like me?” Sana shifted in her seat. She was wearing light pink pajamas, a light jacket draped over her shoulders. Fall had just started setting in, so the weather was getting cooler. Nayeon had never thought she had looked prettier.

“Yeah… Yeah, I would.” Nayeon answered honestly. “I would date someone like you.” She wasn’t sure what she was doing, it wasn’t like her to be so forward.

“Really?” Sana finally looked at her for the first time in a while. “You would?”

“I would.” Nayeon nodded. “But only if you would date someone like me.”

“Of course I would.” Sana giggled. “Nayeonie?”

“Hm?”

“Will you date me?” Nayeon blushed even more at the question. She had never expected Sana to ask her that. And now she was frozen. After a few seconds she realized Sana was still waiting for an answer, so she took a deep breath. 

“Yes Sana.” Sana gave her a blinding smile in response, moving forward to hug her tightly. 

“I guess I’m your girlfriend now.” Sana giggled as she hugged Nayeon.

“Yeah, I guess you are.” Nayeon hugged her back. Sana was still laughing in her arms. “Why are you laughing so much?”

“Cause I’m so happy.” Sana giggled.

“Weirdo.” Nayeon rolled her eyes.

“I’m not weird!” Sana pouted, pulling away from the hug. 

“Yes you are.” Nayeon pinched Sana’s nose.

“No, I’m not!”

They shared their first kiss that night under the stars. Nayeon realized then that she never wanted to be without Sana because Sana made her the happiest she had ever been in her life. 

Their friends aren’t too surprised when they find out they are dating. They told them they had seen it coming for months. Mina and Jihyo weren’t surprised either. Not much really changes between them, except the occasional kisses and the fact that now when they walk home, they are holding hands. 

One winter morning everything changes. Sana didn’t show up for school that morning, and Nayeon was immediately worried. Sana had never not shown up for school, and she hadn’t texted Nayeon anything. She hadn’t walked Sana home yesterday, as she had promised Chaeyoung they could hang out after school. Sana had been okay with it, giving her a smile and telling her to have fun. But it meant Nayeon had no idea what could have happened that led to Sana not being in school. 

And that terrified her.

She texts her girlfriend but doesn’t get any response. After a while she decides to text Jihyo, having gotten her number a while ago. Jihyo answers quickly, telling her Sana had a fever and was in bed. Nayeon couldn’t stop herself from worrying, and the end of the school day couldn’t have come faster. She rushes to the bakery, the minute school lets out. Her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Sana the entire way there. She knew she shouldn’t be worried, people got sick and recovered all the time, but she felt off about the whole thing.

“Oh hello, Nayeon.” Mina was the one to greet her. She was the only one in the bakery Nayeon noticed. “Welcome, are you here to see Sana?”

“Yeah.” Nayeon nodded. “Is it okay if I go see her?”

“Sure. Jihyo is up there with her now.” Mina nodded. Nayeon couldn’t help but notice the purely masked worry on Mina’s face, and her anxiety just gets worse. She rushes up to Sana’s room, knocking before she enters the room.

“Oh, Nayeon.” Jihyo greeted her when she came in. Sana was in bed, her cheeks dusted pink from fever. She was fast asleep in her bed, the covers pulled up to her chin. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Nayeon answered, sitting next to Jihyo. They were both looking over Sana, who looked miserable in her sleep. “Is she okay?”

“Well…” Jihyo sighed. “I think we need to talk.” Nayeon’s heart sank at Jihyo’s tone. “Sana… Ever since she was very little, has gotten terrible fevers. They usually start this time of year, and they will last until the weather gets warmer. She usually ends up bedridden the whole time. It never seems to be contagious, Mina and I have always spent lots of time with her like this and have never gotten anything like what she has. We’ve consulted doctors about it, but there isn’t anything they can do.”

“So… Is it like an illness?” Nayeon asked, taking one of her girlfriend’s hands and squeezing it.

“Something like that.” Jihyo nodded. “She’s never got a definite diagnosis, all we know is she gets really sick for months at a time. And that it seems to be getting worse as she gets older. We’ve taken her to hospitals, but they never seem to help much. I was hoping Sana would tell you about this on her own, but clearly, she didn’t.”

“I see…” Nayeon trailed off.

“She's almost been held back in school multiple times. She studies hard, but she always has to miss a lot of days because of this. Mina and I both try to look after her when she gets like this, but whenever she’s awake she tries to force us to work.” Jihyo sighed. “I know this is a lot to take in. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

“No. No.” Nayeon nodded. “It’s okay.” Nayeon’s heart wavered as she looked at Sana. “Is she- is there a chance she could die?” Tears came to Nayeon’s as she asked that. Six months ago Nayeon barely felt any emotions, but Sana had changed everything. She made her more emotional, and happier.

“I don’t want to lie to you and say no. But she’s only ever been in that serious of a condition once, years ago. Her doctor says as long as she rests while she’s sick, she should be okay. Of course, she has been getting worse, but he seems to think she will still be okay as long as she rests.” Jihyo explained. “I’m so sorry to dump this all on you honey.” Nayeon couldn't stop her tears at Jihyo’s answer. Her girlfriend was sick. And she could die if she wasn’t careful. That tore Nayeon up so much more than she thought was possible. Nayeon hadn’t cried in a long time, and she couldn’t remember the last time she cried in front of another person. Jihyo didn’t say anything else, pulling her into a hug. Jihyo held her for what felt like hours as Nayeon sobbed into her shoulder. It was unfair. It was so unfair that this was happening to Sana. She didn’t deserve this. 

After a while, Jihyo leaves to go get her some water. Nayeon’s head had started to hurt from crying so much, and Jihyo didn’t want her to get sick too. When she came back, she asked if Nayeon was going to stay for dinner. Nayeon responded she would stay until Sana woke up, and Jihyo nodded at the answer, leaving the two of them alone for a bit.

Sana awoke not much later.

“Mm… Nayeonie?” Nayeon felt tears come back to her eyes when Sana woke up.

“Hey Sana… Good morning.” Nayeon felt a bit weird to be the one saying it. Sana had been telling her good morning every day since they met, and she had never said it to her until then. She honestly felt bad about that, but her good morning seemed to bring a smile to Sana’s face nonetheless. “How are you feeling?”

“Bad.” Sana attempted to sit up, Nayeon having to help her. She got a few pillows so Sana would feel comfortable leaning against the headboard of her bed.

“I’m sorry. Are you thirsty?” Nayeon asked.

“A little.” Sana nodded. Nayeon grabbed the water from Sana’s bedside table, handing the cup to her girlfriend. Sana took a slow sip before giving it back. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way… I wanted to tell you. I just… Didn’t know how.”

“It’s okay Sana.” Nayeon nodded. “I understand why you didn’t tell me.”

“Still… I’m sorry.” Sana told her, her eyes a bit glassy from her fever.

“Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong.” Nayeon grabbed one of Sana’s hands. “Do you need anything else? I’ll get it for you. Anything you want.”

“Nayeonie?” Sana asked, squeezing Nayeon’s hand gently.

“Yes?”

“Can I be selfish?” Sana asked, looking into her eyes. “Just this once. Can I ask something selfish of you?”

“Sana…” Nayeon looked into Sana’s clouded eyes. They hadn’t been dating for very long at that point, but she couldn’t help herself from getting soft for her. She was so in love with her. “Of course. You can always be selfish with me.” She had realized pretty quickly that Sana was not a selfish person in the slightest. She would always try to put others before herself, never once asking for anything in return.

“Can you stay with me?” Sana asked

“Hm?” Nayeon asked, a bit confused by the question.

“Until I get better. I want you to stay.” Sana told her, looking into her eyes. Nayeon’s heart softened at the request.

“Of course. I mean I’ll have to go home at night and go to school during the day but I’ll come by every day-”

“No. I want you to stay.” Sana insisted. “I mean school is okay… But I want you to stay here until I’m better.” Nayeon’s heart melted over Sana’s request. She wanted her to stay with her every night.

“Sana…” Nayeon knew her parents wouldn’t care, they probably wouldn’t even notice, but she was worried about being a burden to Jihyo and Mina. Sure she had spent the night there before, but from how Jihyo talked it sounded like Sana was going to be sick for months. But she also knew there was no way she could say no to Sana. “Of course I’ll stay with you. I’ll stay with you for as long as it takes.” She squeezed her hand.

“Thank you.” Sana smiled at her. It wasn’t as bright as usual, but that was okay. “I love you.” Nayeon blushed at that. They had never said I love you to each other. Of course, Nayeon did love Sana too, but she wasn’t sure she could say it out loud yet. So she didn’t. Instead, she leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Sana’s warm and sweaty one, looking into her girlfriend's eyes. She tried to communicate the I love you too silently, and she just hoped her girlfriend understood. 

“You should lay down some more. You need to get lots of rest.” Nayeon told her, moving away from Sana. She helped her girlfriend lay down, kissing her hand once she was down. “I’ll be right here.”

“Okay.” Sana yawned, closing her eyes. It wasn’t long until she was asleep, and Nayeon softened at that. She kissed her girlfriend’s forehead as she tucked her in, whispering an I love you too as she watched her sleep. 

Mina and Jihyo were more than happy to have Nayeon stay with them, they even encouraged her to. They had both caught onto the fact Nayeon didn’t have a good relationship with her parents a while ago, but they never addressed it. Nayeon was grateful to them for that. She has to leave Sana for a while to go get some clothes and toiletries from home. Her parents were home when she got there, and she decides to tell them she will be staying with a friend for a while. Her parents don’t seem to care, which fills Nayeon with rage. They never seemed to care. She wasn’t calm again until she was back at Sana’s side, holding her hand and watching her sleep. 

Weeks pass with no change in Sana’s condition. Nayeon brings her her school work home and when Sana is feeling a little better Nayeon teaches her what they had learned in class that day and helps her with her school work. Nayeon turns it in for Sana every day, and the teachers give her messages to pass along to Sana. Sana’s doctor came to check on her every day. He would prescribe various medicines for her, but they never seemed to help her. Sometimes he would bring over IV bags and administer them to her when her appetite was bad. Nayeon always thought Sana looked worse on those days.

Nayeon barely feels like she’s alive at school. Everything seems so wrong without Sana. The seat next to hers looks so empty. She feels so empty. She still eats lunch with Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Momo, but she’s not the same. She honestly had no idea how she lived without Sana before. Everything felt so empty now. So lonely. And the only time she was better was when she was with her girlfriend. 

During the day while Nayeon was at school, Mina and Jihyo would take shifts watching over Sana. One would watch over her while the other watched the bakery. Nayeon can tell that they are hurting too. The bright smiles and warm family dinners were gone. Even when the three of them ate together it never felt the same. It wasn’t the same, not without Sana. 

Some days Sana is better than others. She’s never well enough to really get out of bed much, but some days Nayeon will find her downstairs on the couch instead of in her bed. When she asks, Sana always tells her that either Mina or Jihyo had helped her down earlier. She tried to tell her she shouldn’t be out of bed, but Sana responded with a small eye roll and a reminder she would go crazy if she had to stay in bed all day. Nayeon knew she had a point, so she would just go grab her an extra blanket and help her back upstairs when Sana got tired again. 

Other days Sana was worse. Sometimes she would barely wake up, let alone get out of bed. Those days were harder on Nayeon. She would stay by Sana’s side, helping her in any way she could while Sana slept. Mina and Jihyo would come to check in on them every once and a while but left them alone most of the time. She slept in the guest room sometimes, others she slept in Sana’s bed, with Sana’s sweaty body pushed up against hers. She never minded it though, Sana’s comfort was much more important than hers. 

“Do you have any plans for the holidays?” Mina asks her one day. Jihyo was down in the bakery and Mina had brought up some food for Sana. Sana had only eaten a little, she wasn’t doing very well that day. She had fallen asleep right after eating. 

“Oh… No.” Nayeon nodded. “I was hoping I could stay here if that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.” Mina nodded. “We weren’t planning on doing much. Sana’s in no condition to be going anywhere. But we were thinking about maybe having dinner together if Sana is feeling any better by then.”

“Yeah, okay sounds good.” Nayeon looked back at her girlfriend.

“You know, her birthday is coming up,” Mina commented, gathering up Sana’s dishes. 

“It is?” Nayeon asked.

“Yup. It’s the twenty-ninth of this month.” Mina remarked. “She’s always sick on her birthday, so we’ve never done much. I’m sure she would just love to spend it with you.” Nayeon squeezed Sana’s hand.

“I’ll stay with her then.” Nayeon nodded, squeezing her hand.

“Thank you.” Mina smiled at her. “You make her so happy.” Nayeon wasn’t sure why that was. She wasn’t the nicest person in the world or the best girlfriend to Sana. But it always seemed to be enough, at least for Sana. Whenever she would wake up and Nayeon was there she would smile at her brightly. Sometimes she would practically force Nayeon to get in bed with her, and they would cuddle until Sana fell asleep again. “We know her condition is difficult, and that it may even be hard to be around her right now, so thank you for staying with her.”

“Of course.” Nayeon nodded. “I promised I would stay until she got better.” Mina seemed happy with her answer. Mina and Jihyo had always seemed supportive of their relationship, never one telling Nayeon she was a bad girlfriend or implying she wasn’t good enough for Sana. They just seemed happy to see Sana happy.

“Well, I’ll be downstairs. Come down in a bit for dinner, okay?” Mina walked towards Sana’s door, carefully balancing the dishes.

“Sure. Thank you.” Nayeon greeted. She turned back to Sana, who was still asleep. She had no idea what this girl had done to her, but she had made Nayeon care about her so much in their short time together. She was goofy and silly and weird and Nayeon loved her so much. Sana hadn’t been herself since she got sick. When she was awake, she was quieter and more reserved. She asked Nayeon how her day was every time she saw her, and she still asked her if she had done her homework and if she had eaten, but Nayeon had noticed she had seemed out of it, especially around Mina and Jihyo. She would give them short answers to their questions, and she rarely ever made eye contact with them.

“Mm… Nayeonie?” Sana woke up not long after Mina left.

“Hey sleepy head.” Nayeon smiled at her. “Do you want some water?”

“No.” Sana nodded, rubbing the sleep out of her eye. “Come here.” Sana opened her arms for Nayeon. Nayeon nodded and got into Sana’s bed, hugging her tightly. Sana buried her face into Nayeon’s shoulder, Nayeon hugging her tightly from behind. Sana tangled their legs together under the covers. They had been in this position before, but it was always so intimate. Nayeon wasn’t entirely used to it yet, but she wouldn’t lie and say she hated it. It was the opposite actually.

“How do you feel today?” Nayeon asked, idly playing with Sana’s long hair. She hadn’t gotten it cut in a while, and it had grown pretty long since they had first met. Mina had been giving Sana showers every day while Nayeon was at school. Sana always complained that she could shower alone, but Nayeon knew Mina being there was for the best. There were days where Sana could barely stand, let alone shower by herself.

“I’m okay,” Sana answered. “I’m better now that you're here.”

“I’m here everyday silly. I basically live here now too.” Nayeon answered, hugging her closer. Sana was so fragile in her arms. Nayeon was afraid that if she let go she would slip away.

“I know.” Sana yawned, snuggling closer to her. “But I like seeing you here.” Nayeon wanted to tell Sana she liked being here too. She liked being here with Sana and Mina and Jihyo. Even if Sana was sick, at least she was there.

“Hey Sana?”

“Hm?” Sana hummed.

“What do you want for your birthday?” Nayeon asked.

“My birthday?” Sana asked. 

“Yeah. Your birthday. I already got you a Christmas present, but I didn’t realize your birthday was coming up so soon.” Nayeon told her. She hadn’t gotten Sana anything fancy for Christmas, just a little stuffed bear Sana had seen on their walk home from school a few months ago. Sana had thought it was really cute but didn’t have her wallet on her to buy it. That night, when Nayeon was walking home from dinner, she bought it for Sana. “Anything you want, I’ll get it for you. Just tell me.”

“But I don’t want anything,” Sana answered.

“You have to want something,” Nayeon whispered, still playing with Sana’s hair.

“Well, there is one thing…” Sana trailed off. “I want you.”

“Me?” Nayeon asked. “Are you sure? You see me every day.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Sana answered. “I want you. Here with me. That’s all I want.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a present? I could get you a necklace, or-”

“I just want you.” Sana interrupted. “Nayeonie…”

“Hm?”

“You're so warm.” Sana shifted closer to her, sighing in contentment in Nayeon’s arms.

“You're probably just cold because you have a fever.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. “You're incredibly warm too.”

“No, you're always warm.” Sana nodded against her shoulder. “You always give me nice warm hugs.” They didn’t hug much, Nayoen wasn’t that much of a physically affectionate person in public, but Sana had always seemed to enjoy even the slightest touch from Nayeon. “I love them.” Sana pulled her face out of Nayeon’s shoulder, looking her in the eyes. “I love you.” Sana’s eyes went down to her lips. They had only been dating for a few weeks now, but Nayeon had figured out quickly Sana loved kisses.

“I love you too.” Nayeon didn’t realize it was the first time she had said it aloud while Sana was awake until she saw tears come to Sana’s eyes. “What?”

“You’ve never said it back.” Tears slid down Sana’s cheeks, but there was a smile on her face. Nayeon instantly moved one hand off Sana’s back to wipe her tears. She swiped the pad of her thumb across Sana’s warm cheek, still keeping their gazes locked.

“Well, I’m sorry I’ve never said it to you before... Because I love you too Sana. More than anything.” Nayeon told her. Sana started crying more at that, a smile on her face the whole time. Nayeon realized as she was holding her that this was the first time she had ever seen Sana cry. She knew Sana was happy crying, but it still hurt her to see her cry. “Don’t cry too much, it will make you sicker.” Sana giggled at that comment. “I’m serious.”

“I know.” Sana continued giggling. She put her hand over Nayeon’s on her cheek, gazing into Nayeon’s eyes with all the love in the world. “Thank you for worrying about me. But I’ll be okay.”

“You better,” Nayeon muttered, turning her hand and lacing her fingers with Sana. The two stayed quiet for a bit, Nayeon just gazing into Sana’s eyes while still playing with her hair with her free hand. “The others miss you. They want to come see you, but they are afraid they will crowd you.”

“I miss them too,” Sana answered her. “I would love for them to come over and visit. Tell them they can come over whenever.”

“Are you sure?” Nayeon asked.

“It’s not like I can go anywhere.” Sana giggled. “I get bored here during the day, it would be nice to get visitors every once and awhile.” 

“Okay.” Nayeon found a knot in Sana’s hair with her fingers. She gently brushed it out with her one hand, doing her best not to hurt Sana. “I’ll call Jihyo and ask how you're doing before I bring them over. I’ll only bring them over when you are doing a bit better.”

“I’m fine,” Sana whined.

“I know, but I just want to make sure you are going to be able to stay awake and talk to them if I bring them over. It would make them worry if you didn’t.” Nayeon knew they would worry anyway, seeing Sana like this wasn’t easy. She was paler than she had been before, and Nayeon couldn’t remember the last time she saw Sana in anything other than pajamas.

“Okay. I guess that makes sense.” Sana nodded. “Nayeonie?”

“Hm?” Nayeon hummed.

“What’s the weather like today?” Sana would ask that question occasionally. It was too cold for Sana to be going outside in her condition, so she was left inside. Her curtains were drawn most of the time, so Sana could sleep peacefully during the day. But it did mean she rarely saw the outside, which Nayeon supposed left her curious about the state of the outside world.

“It’s really cold,” Nayeon answered. “And cloudy. Dahyun said it was supposed to snow tonight.”

“Snow?” Sana’s eyes sparkled with childish excitement at the word.

“Yeah. Have you never seen it before?”

“No. It didn’t snow in Osaka.” Sana answered. “I’ve always wanted to see snow.”

“Well, how about I open your curtains for you. And if it snows, I’ll tell you so you can see it.” Nayeon worked to untangle herself from Sana. Sana whined when she left her bed but quieted when Nayeon opened the curtains. Nayeon looked outside, it was still just as dark as it had been on her walk to Sana’s. “No snow yet.”

“Aw.” Sana pouted. “Come back to bed Nayeonie.”

“Okay.” Nayeon nodded, leaving the curtains open and returning to Sana. Sana snuggled up the exact position they were in before, moving her face to Nayeon’s shoulder again and yawning. “Get some rest. I promise I will wake you up if it starts snowing.” Sana nodded against her shoulder, and it wasn’t long before she was asleep. Once she was, Nayeon looked out Sana’s window. Sana had a decent view, better than the one Nayeon had at home. She hadn’t really looked out Sana’s window before, most days her curtains were closed. Nayeon looked at the city she hated. She didn’t hate it any less now than she did before, but she had found a reason to think it maybe wasn’t so bad. And that reason was right there, lying in her arms asleep.

Nayeon leaves after Sana sleeps a bit. It hadn’t started snowing yet, and she needed to eat or Mina and Jihyo would come to drag her downstairs to eat. They never let her skip meals at their house. Even if Nayeon didn't want to leave Sana’s side, they would make her eat a full meal. Sometimes she would eat with Sana, but only if Sana was eating too. She didn’t want to wake her up while she rested just for a reason as silly as eating.

Mina and Jihyo were waiting for her downstairs. Dinner was sitting at the table, all wrapped up in plastic wrap. They seemed to be waiting for her to eat. Nayeon stays quiet as Jihyo and Mina quickly heat up their food and get them all a glass of water. 

“Is Sana still asleep?” Mina asks her after a bit of silence.

“Yes. She woke up for a bit, but she’s been asleep again for a while.” Nayeon answered, one of her hands balling up in a fist on the table. “Hey… I have a question for you guys.”

“Of course. You can ask us anything.” Jihyo remarked, putting Nayeon’s dinner in front of her.

“Why did you come here?” Nayeon asked. “I mean, if Sana gets worse when the weather gets cold, why would you bring her here? It’s colder than Osaka. If you were going to move, why didn’t you take her somewhere warmer?” Nayeon knew she had absolutely no right to ask this, but it had been eating at her since her conversation with Sana earlier. It just didn’t make sense to her. Why would Mina and Jihyo bring her somewhere colder if she got worse when it was cold?

“I suppose we should tell her the truth, right Mina?” Jihyo and Mina shared a look, which left Nayeon a bit confused.

“We should... There’s no point in lying to her.” Mina nodded, a somber look crossing across her face.

“The truth?” Nayeon asked.

“Well, what we’re about to tell you you have to promise to not tell Sana. We haven’t told her about this yet.” Jihyo started. They both looked so serious, it was scaring Nayeon.

“I-I promise.” Nayeon could tell this was serious. If they didn’t want Sana to know, then it must be important.

“Okay… We moved here for her.” Jihyo answered. 

“Huh? But it’s colder here-”

“Sana’s doctor in Osaka said there was a specialist here that could help her. That’s the doctor she’s currently seeing. When we first called him, he said he would need to see her very often, more often than we could manage flying back and forth between here and Japan, but if he could he would do his best to help her, though he couldn’t guarantee he could cure her. Sana has suffered from this her whole life, and we were desperate for the help. So we decided to move here. We told Sana I needed to move here to be closer to my family, we knew she would try to talk us out of it if she knew the real reason. But we needed to come here, for her. For even the slightest chance she could get better. She has always felt like she was a burden to us, and she hated herself for it. She has always tried to rely on us as little as possible, even when she was little. We know if she knew the truth, it would crush her. You know how Sana is, she hates even the thought of being selfish.” Jihyo explained. 

“If Sana knew we uprooted our entire lives for her, I’m sure she wouldn’t take it well. She hates when we make sacrifices for her, even little ones. But what she doesn’t understand is that we are happy to do it. She may just be my sister… But we’ve always thought of her as our child. She’s twenty years younger than me, and we’ve been taking care of her since she was so young that we just, we came to see her as a daughter. I mean, legally she is our daughter.” Mina explained. “And like all parents are, we were willing to give up anything for her happiness and health. Even if it meant we had to leave our lives behind and move to a new country for the smallest hope she could get better. Even if it meant we had to give up on our dreams to raise her. We did it for her. And we would do it again.” Tears came to Mina’s eyes as she talked about this. Jihyo offered one arm to her wife, letting her cry into her shoulder.

“We would do it all again in a heartbeat. Because we love Sana. You understand why we can’t tell her this right? If she knew, if she knew it would crush her.” Jihyo held her wife as she cried into her shoulder.

“Of course…” Nayeon did know Sana. And they were right, Sana would be devastated if she knew what Mina and Jihyo had done for her. “But don’t you think she deserves to know the truth? It may hurt her, but it’s worse to lie to her. It will probably just make her more upset later.”

“We do think she deserves the truth. We’ll tell her, one day. When she's a little more ready to hear it.” Jihyo explained. “Look, I’m sorry to ask you to keep a secret from your girlfriend. But please, let us tell Sana all of this on our own. One day.”

“Alright.” Nayeon nodded. “I understand.”

“Thank you.” A wave of relief crashed over Jihyo’s face. “Thank you so much.”

“Yeah… Of course.”

Nayeon doesn’t sleep that night. She had checked on Sana again after dinner, but the girl was fast asleep. When Nayeon checked her temperature, she realized it was pretty high, even for Sana. It was then she decided she wouldn’t wake Sana up, even if it was snowing. The girl needed to rest, Nayeon could show her the snow tomorrow. She gets up to check on Sana again in the middle of the night. It’s around two am, but she wasn’t asleep anyway so she figured she may as well see if Sana’s fever was a bit lower. 

When she goes to see Sana, she realizes she’s not the only one who had that idea. Mina and Jihyo were both sitting next to Sana’s bed, Mina hunched over the bed. In the small amount of light coming in through the open window, Nayeon could tell she was asleep. But Jihyo isn’t. 

“Hey,” Nayeon whispered as she sat next to Jihyo.

“Nayeon? Hey.” Jihyo looked tired. “I guess you had the same idea we did.”

“Her fever was pretty high earlier.” Nayeon nodded. 

“It’s gone down quite a bit. She was even able to get up and go to the bathroom by herself earlier.” Jihyo told her.

“That’s good.” Nayeon sighed in relief. 

“Here, let’s talk outside. We don’t want to wake them up.” Jihyo gestured to the two sisters. Nayeon nodded, it’s not like she was sleeping anyway. Jihyo leads them out onto the balcony, grabbing a blanket for both her and Nayeon inside. They were both quiet for a bit, looking at the sky at the same time. It was still cloudy, and there was a thin layer of snow on the ground below them. “You know… Their mother had the same sickness Sana does.” Jihyo started a conversation between them after a few moments of silence. “Every winter, she would get so sick she could barely get out of bed, just like Sana. Mina told me that’s why there is such a big age gap between her and Sana. She told me their mother had Mina when she was really young, like just out of high school young, and even then Mina was so straining on her body that she was told she shouldn’t have another child. But Mina said their mom had always wanted to have two. It wasn’t like she didn’t love Mina or anything, but she had always wanted for Mina to have a brother or sister, but since she was sickly the doctors advised against it. When Mina was older, her mother’s condition had improved a bit, so she decided she was going to have another baby. Neither Mina nor their dad could talk her out of it, and not long after Sana was born. Mina said her mother’s illness had come back during her pregnancy with Sana, so it wasn’t easy for her. But she seemed so happy. Sana was born prematurely, and their mother was bedridden for a while afterward, but Mina said she seemed happy to have Sana. Mina and Sana weren’t very close when Sana was first born, she had already started college by the time Sana was born so she didn’t really spend any time with her. Mina and I were already dating at the time, and she had told me she thought it was a bit silly for her to have a relationship with Sana because of their age gap. She wasn’t close with her at all, and she made no effort to change that. She didn’t even want to invite Sana to our wedding, but she ended up coming anyway. She was only four back then, and Mina was already out of college. Mina and I both were pursuing our dreams and Sana was happy with their parents. But then… Then things changed.” Jihyo sighed, her cold breath fogging in the cold weather. “Then their parents died.”

“If you don’t mind me asking… How did their parents die?” Nayeon asked, pulling the blanket closer to her. It was freezing outside.

“Car accident,” Jihyo answered. “Anyway, after they passed no one knew what to do with Sana. Their grandparents were too old to take care of her and both their parents were only children. Mina and I were contacted about what we wanted to do with her, and we were told she basically only had two options. We could take her in, or she would be put in foster care. Even if Mina and her weren’t close, I think the thought of never being able to see Sana again terrified Mina. She had just lost her parents for god's sake, she didn’t want to lose her sister too. Plus because of Sana’s health condition, Mina was worried she wouldn't get proper care if she was put in a foster home. Mina seemed so torn up about it though, and she told me she was afraid I would be mad she wanted to take Sana in. Of course, it was unexpected, but I didn’t mind. Sana was nice and sweet, and she didn’t deserve to get taken from her only family. Things were a bit weird at first, Mina and I had always thought we would have a child one day but we didn’t think it would that early, or that it would be Sana. But after a while, we both came to love Sana. Even though their parents had just died, Sana tried to be positive. She would hug Mina when she was sad and she would tell her their parents wouldn’t want Mina to be sad. She would always behave, and never caused us much trouble.” Jihyo took a deep breath before continuing.

“Mina and I both had a lot of work, so we would leave Sana alone a lot. I know it sounds terrible to leave such a young child alone like that, but we couldn’t afford a babysitter. We would always lock the door and tell her not to open it for strangers and to never touch any of the appliances or try to leave, and she always did as we told her. At the time, Mina was working at a dance studio and I was working at a recording studio. We didn’t make a ton of money, and we didn’t have a lot of free time, but Sana never seemed to mind. It wasn’t long before winter came, and Sana’s sickness struck like it always did. Mina had dealt with it with their mother before, but it was the first time I had seen anything like it. Mina and I both couldn’t afford to miss work, so more often than not Sana was left alone. We would leave her water and food, and we made her take medicine before and after we left. She would always wait for us, so patiently. And when we got back, she greeted us with the biggest smile, even though she felt terrible. It got harder and harder to leave, but we had to. We couldn’t afford not to. I’m sure it was lonely for Sana… All by herself all day. She never once complained though.” Tears came to Jihyo’s eyes as she recounted the story. 

“Never once. But one day, Mina and I both had to stay later than usual at our jobs. We had told Sana before we left we would be home after her bedtime and that we would leave her dinner. Her fever had been particularly high that morning, so we figured she would just sleep the whole day anyway. During our lunch breaks we went back to check on her, and both times she was fast asleep. But, when we finally went home, she was gone. We immediately freaked out and went looking for her. We lived in a small apartment complex at the time, and we knew she couldn’t have gotten far in her state. We found her not far from our apartment, and by the time we found her, she could barely move. We immediately took her to the hospital, but they told us there was a good chance she wouldn’t make it through the night. We were so upset with ourselves, so frustrated that Sana had ended up like that. We blamed ourselves. We thought if we had stayed with her, this never would have happened. We both cried and cried that night, Mina especially. She told me that if Sana made it through she would never leave her alone again. She blamed herself. And I blamed myself too. Thankfully, through some miracle, Sana made it through that night. That was the closest we ever came to losing her.”

Nayeon wasn’t sure how to react to the story. She wasn’t sure why Jihyo was telling her this, clearly, it was something very personal to her. And clearly, it was making her emotional. But she was a bit happy Jihyo was sharing this all with her. It meant she trusted her. Nayeon didn’t think she had done anything to earn her trust, but it was nice regardless.

“And then, when Sana woke up, we were both crying nonstop. She told us not to cry and that she was sorry she made us cry, but we just couldn’t stop. We asked her what she was doing outside when she was sick, and Sana told us she was looking for us. She told us she was worried we were gone, just like her parents were. She was worried we had left her all alone, for real.” That seemed to break Jihyo, tears rushing down her cheek. “Mina and I both knew after that, we couldn’t keep doing this. We couldn’t leave Sana alone. Not anymore. We both decided we couldn’t continue to do jobs that tore us away from Sana all day. And that was when we decided to open a bakery. We didn’t have a ton of money, but we did have some savings. Sana was too young to remember what our jobs were before. She doesn’t remember how we left her alone. And we hope she never does. Even if our jobs before were our dreams, we couldn’t bear to keep doing them if it meant losing Sana.”

“You care about her so much…” Tears came to Nayeon’s own eyes at Jihyo’s outburst of emotion. “She’s so lucky to have you.”

“It’s the opposite actually. Sana is such a sweet and caring person, and she deserves the world. Mina and I had always wanted to have a kid one day. We had talked about it when we first got married, and we both agreed that when we were stable enough in our jobs we would have a baby together. It was our dream. But then, well Sana came along. Even if Sana isn't biologically our daughter, we love her like she is. And we will do anything for her. We gave up everything for her, and we moved here for her. And we would do it again and again if we had to. Because we made the right choice. We don’t regret our choices, because they mean she is able to be healthy.” Jihyo explained. “So that’s why I wanted to thank you so much for being her friend. Sana never allowed herself to have friends, and I could always tell she was lonely. And I couldn’t help but feel like it was our fault. But then she found you. So thank you so much for that. Thank you for caring about her. You’ve made her happier than I’m afraid Mina and I ever will be able to. I really can’t thank you enough. You may not think you’ve done much, but you’ve helped her so much. I’m not asking you to marry her or anything, but can you please stay with Sana for a while?”

“Of course.” Nayeon nodded, desperately holding her own tears back. “I’m not going anywhere. I love Sana.”

“Thank you.” Jihyo thanked her again, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “I promise, one day we will tell Sana everything.”

“That’s all I can ask of you.” Nayeon nodded, looking up at the sky. Everything was silent for a second, save for Jihyo sniffling, but when Nayeon heard a loud thud behind her, the silence ended.

“Sana!” Jihyo immediately ran to Sana, who was laying on the ground behind them. They had left the door to the house open, as it was freezing outside and they needed the bit of hot air coming from inside. Sana had passed out, that was what caused the loud thud. Her fever was back up, Jihyo had immediately noticed. Nayeon found herself wondering how long Sana had been there. She hadn’t heard her come up behind them. She didn’t even know she was awake. She hoped, for Jihyo’s sake, that Sana hadn’t heard their whole conversation. But when she saw the tears lingering on Sana’s cheeks, she knew that wasn’t possible.

Nayeon skipped school the next day. She couldn’t go. Sana hadn’t woken up since last night, and her fever hadn’t shown any signs of going down. Jihyo and Mina seemed okay with her staying home, letting her stay in Sana’s bed with the sleeping girl. Sana’s doctor comes to see her while Nayeon is still there, and he tells them Sana has taken a turn for the worse. He gives her an IV and tells them it would probably be for the best for her to continue to sleep, and that if she wasn’t better by tomorrow they should take her to a hospital. He says he knows the hospital couldn’t cure her, but it could help keep her from getting worse. Nayeon stares at Sana as she sleeps for hours. She knew if Dahyun, Chaeyoung, or Momo were there they would call her creepy for staring at Sana while she slept, but she couldn’t help it. She was so worried about her. 

Sana sleeps until that night. Mina had just finished giving Sana a sponge bath. Nayeon had left for it, wanting to give her girlfriend some privacy, but she was back before Sana woke up. She climbed back into Sana’s bed, holding her girlfriend close like she had all day.

“Nayeonie?” Nayeon’s heart swelled when she heard Sana’s voice. She held her closer, stroking Sana’s hair as her girlfriend woke up.

“Hey sleepyhead. Good morning.” Nayeon was so relieved Sana was awake. She had been asleep for so long, and Nayeon had started to get worried she would never wake up. “Oh no, don’t try and sit up.” Nayeon stopped Sana before she could sit up.

“Mm… I’m thirsty.” Sana told her, and Nayeon could tell her mind was pretty hazy still.

“I’ll get you some water, Sana.” It was like Sana hadn’t noticed Mina was there, because she seemed surprised to hear her voice. Sana buried her face in Nayeon’s shoulder when she heard Mina’s voice. “Here.” Sana didn’t turn towards Mina when Mina tried to hand her water.

“Sana, Mina Unnie has your water for you.” Nayeon reminded her.

“I can get my own water,” Sana responded. “Don’t need Mina Unnie.” Mina sighed at that, putting the water cup down.

“Sana, look at me.” Mina requested. Sana refused, holding Nayeon closer. “Sana… Baby girl… Please.” Mina hadn’t called Sana that in so long, but Sana had loved it when she was little. 

“I’m not your baby Mina Unnie,” Sana answered. “You don’t have to take care of me anymore.”

“Sana… Of course I do. You still have a fever.” Mina nodded. “I’m going to go get Jihyo and we-”

“Mina, how about you give Sana some space and make her some dinner. I’ll stay with her.” Nayeon interrupted Mina, holding Sana tighter. Mina looked between the two and nodded, leaving Sana’s water on her bedside table. Once she was gone, Nayeon gently moved Sana’s face away from her shoulder to look her in the eyes. “What’s wrong Sana?” 

“Nothing.” Sana pouted like a small child.

“Somethings wrong. Why were you so mean to Mina Unnie? She just wants to take care of you because you are sick.” Nayeon told her. “Please tell me baby.” That seemed to break Sana. Tears filled her eyes and she held tightly onto Nayeon. Nayeon hated that she had made Sana cry, but she also knew they needed to talk about this. 

“T-T-They gave up so much for me.” Sana cried. “I never- I never knew. They gave up their dreams for me Yeonie. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to repay them? They gave up everything. For me. I-I-” Sana sobbed, causing Nayeon’s heart to shatter. “What am I supposed to do, Nayeon? How am I supposed to repay them? They should have put me in foster care. I’ve done nothing but burden them. I-I took everything from them.”

“Sana… Sana baby no you didn’t. You didn’t take everything from them.” Nayeon reassured. “You couldn’t help the fact you were sick. You couldn’t help the fact your parents passed away. You did nothing wrong. They love you, a-and part of loving people is giving things up for them and that’s okay. I would give up things like that for you, and I know you would do that for me-”

“But you don’t understand Nayeon. I didn’t just take their dream jobs.” Sana sobbed. “I took their opportunity to be parents away from them.” Nayeon was confused by that. “I-If I had never- They would have been happy. They could have had more time with just each other. They could have had their dream jobs. And they could have had their own child like they always wanted. But because of me- because of me they never had the opportunity to do that. Because of me, they didn’t have the time or money to have their own child. They had to give that up to take care of me.”

“Sana…” Nayeon trailed off, her own heart being crushed by the sight of her girlfriend sobbing. “Sana baby, they did that stuff, they gave that stuff up because they love you. They don’t see you as a burden. They don’t want you to repay them. They just want you to be happy and to get better.”

“I-I-I-Yeonie.” Sana sobbed in her arms. “I-I have to do something I c-can’t let them do this much for me-”

“Okay then. Get better.” Nayeon looked into Sana’s eyes.

“Huh?”

“If you have to repay them, repay them by getting better.” Nayeon stroked Sana’s hair, looking into her teary eyes. “If you get better, all their sacrifices will be worth it. That’s the best thing you can do to repay them.”

“B-But-”

“Sana, they love you so much. And they want you to be happy. So repay them by getting better. It’s the best thing you can do for them.” Nayeon reassured. “That is all they want from you baby.”

“Are you sure?” Sana took a deep breath.

“Yes baby… I’m sure.” Sana snuggled closer to Nayeon. “Just focus on getting better. Please.”

“Okay…” Sana trailed off. “I will.”

Nayeon had never imagined she would be here. In her girlfriend's bed, holding her as her girlfriend took deep breaths. She hadn’t even imagined someone like her would get a girlfriend. But she was so happy to be here. She loved Sana so much. And she never wanted to leave her side.

Jihyo and Mina both bring Sana dinner, and Nayeon whispered to Sana she needs to talk to them. Nayeon excuses herself to go to the bathroom while they talk. As close as she had gotten to them recently, she had no right to be there while Sana talked to Mina and Jihyo. After going to the bathroom, Nayeon waits downstairs. She checks her phone for the first time that day, and she sees tons of missed texts in her group chat with Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Momo. They were asking her where she was if she was going to school. Eventually, they turned into worry, asking her if something had happened to Sana. She finally responds to them while she is waiting. They tell her she’s terrible for making them worry. And that they are happy Sana’s okay. 

Eventually, Jihyo comes back downstairs. There are tears on her cheeks as she addresses Nayeon.

“You were right… We should have told her the truth sooner.” Jihyo told her. “I mean, I think she’s still upset, and I think she still blames herself, but we talked about it. We told her we don’t regret anything. And that as long as she’s happy, we’re happy. I know I keep saying this over and over again and you are probably annoyed with me at this point, but thank you.”

“Sure.” Nayeon nodded, getting off the couch. “Can I go see her now?”

“Give it a bit, Mina is giving her a bath.” Jihyo nodded. “I don’t even think I will be able to ever repay you for all you have done for Sana, for all of us, but I can start. Order anything you want for dinner, on me.”

“Oh no you don’t have to-”

“I insist. Get whatever you want. You deserve it.” Jihyo smiled at her. “Come on let me do this for you.”

“Alright.” Nayeon sighed, “I’ll order something.”

Nayeon orders chicken from a place down the street, and she finishes eating before Sana is done with her bath. Mina comes to get her when Sana is done with her bath, and Nayeon immediately goes to Sana’s room. Sana is laying in bed again, her cheeks flushed and her eyes shut. Nayeon doesn’t say anything as she gets into Sana’s bed, and Sana shuffles closer to her. Nayeon holds her close and strokes her hair again, Sana seemed to like it when she did that. Sana didn’t say anything either, the two of them just laid together in Sana’s bed silently. 

“Oh. It’s snowing.” Nayeon broke the silence when she noticed it was snowing.

“It is?!” Sana asked, taking her face out of Nayeon’s shoulder.

“Here.” Nayeon helped Sana sit up. “See?” Sana’s eyes sparkled as she looked outside at the snow.

“It’s so pretty.” Nayeon didn’t think the snow was as pretty as Sana’s excited face. “I want to go outside.”

“Oh no baby, it could make you worse-”

“Yeonie please?” Nayeon could never say no to that face. “Just for a bit.”

“Okay.” Nayeon sighed. “But I’m carrying you.”

“Okay.” Sana pouted. Nayeon stood up and grabbed a warm jacket for Sana before putting her on her back.

“Comfortable?” Nayeon asked, adjusting Sana on her back. She had never been too athletic, so this was a bit tough for her, but Sana didn’t need to know that.

“Uh-hum.” Sana hummed.

“Only for a little bit okay? We don’t want your fever to get worse.” Sana whined at that but agreed. Nayeon carried her down the stairs, letting out occasional grunts. Sana wasn’t that heavy, but Nayeon was pretty out of shape. Jihyo and Mina eye her suspiciously as she walks towards the front door, but don’t comment. She is barely able to put her shoes on and open the door, but once she was outside she sighed in relief. 

“Woah.” Sana looked at the snow with a childlike amount of wonder. Nayeon didn’t even remember the last time she was that excited about the snow. “It’s so pretty.”

“I guess,” Nayeon grunted as she adjusted Sana. “It gets annoying after a while.”

“I think it’s pretty.” Sana pouted, wrapping her arms around Nayeon’s neck. “Yeonie put me down.”

“Sana your not wearing shoes and you could-”

“Put me down,” Sana whined, squeezing her shoulders. Nayeon sighed, Sana was leaving her with no choice really. Nayeon set her down but kept an arm around her. She knew Sana was in no condition to be walking around. “Look at me.” Nayeon turned to look at Sana. Sana was smiling at her, and she looked so pretty standing there in her pajamas and thick puffy white coat. Her cheeks were red from her fever and the cold but she was smiling so brightly. She feet were only covered in a measly pair of sock, but Sana didn’t complain.

“I love you so much…” Nayeon muttered subconsciously. Her face leaned closer to Sana’s, their breaths mingling together.

“I love you so much too,” Sana answered, closing her eyes and leaning forward. Nayeon met her halfway, the two of them sharing a long kiss right there in the middle of the snow. That was arguably the best kiss they ever had. Even if Nayeon felt like she was about to freeze and she was worried about Sana’s condition, the kiss was perfect. The entire moment was perfect.

Christmas comes next week. Nayeon gets a break from school, and she’s able to spend more time with Sana. Her fever still hasn’t broken, but she seems better. Jihyo and Mina did too. They all were. She started sleeping with Sana every night, not sexually but she shared Sana’s bed with her every night. They always chat until Sana falls asleep, and then Nayeon watches her until she gets tired too. One night, Sana asks a question Nayeon wasn’t expecting.

“Yeonie… Do you hate your parents?” That was a good question. Did she hate her parents? Part of her wanted to say yes, but she also knew hate wasn’t the right word. It was more of indifference. It was like she didn’t have any feelings towards them.

“No… I don’t know.” Nayeon sighed. “Why do you ask?”

“I’m just worried.” Nayeon was spooning Sana, her arms wrapped around Sana’s waist.

“Don’t be. I just- we aren’t close.” That much was obvious.

“Tell me about it.” Sana lean back into her. “If you can.”

“Sure.” Nayeon knew she would have to address this eventually. She was surprised it had taken this long for it to come up. “My parents and I… Well, we just- we’re practically strangers at this point. I mean we all technically live together, but we’re not like you, Jihyo, and Mina. We don’t eat together. We don’t talk to each other. We don’t care about each other. We all spend as much time away from each other as possible. When I was little, we would always fight, the three of us. My mom started drinking and my dad just- pulled away. And over time I guess we all just gave up on each other.” Nayeon squeezed Sana’s waist, holding her tighter. “We are strangers that live together. We haven’t been in a family in- well I don’t think we ever were.”

“That’s so sad…” Sana trailed off. “I’m sorry, but-but-” Sana sniffled and Nayeon hated that she made Sana cry again. “I’m sorry you don’t have a family.”

“Hey hey, don’t cry. I’m okay. I’m happy. I have you now, and your way better than my parents.” Nayeon whispered.

“But-but I’m sorry. You deserve a family too.” Sana cried.

“I have a family.” Nayeon nodded. “And it’s not with my parents. But it’s way better.” Nayeon turned Sana in her arms to look at her. “I have you.” That seemed to make Sana cry more. “Why are you crying?”

“C-Cause-” Nayeon giggled at Sana’s inability to finish her sentence.

“I never realized you were such a cry baby.” Nayeon teased her girlfriend.

“I’m not a crybaby.” Sana pouted, tears still rushing down her cheeks. 

“Crybaby.” Nayeon flicked Sana’s forehead.

“Ow! Nayeon!”  
Nayeon laughed and wiped Sana’s tears away. She was right, this was way better than her parents. She had Sana. And that was a million times better than her dumb stupid parents. 

Christmas rolls around quickly. Nayeon had kept Sana’s gift tucked away in her stuff, but she still hadn’t figured out what she was going to get her for her birthday, but she also didn’t want to leave Sana’s side. It was like she was scared to. Sana’s health wasn’t doing any better, but her attitude was more positive. Nayeon keeps contact with Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Momo over break, but she tells them Sana isn’t well enough for visitors. She had talked about it with Jihyo and Mina, and they had agreed that it was a good idea for Sana to not have any visitors until after the break.

Sana doesn’t wake up until late on Christmas morning. She didn’t normally wake up early or anything, but it’s extra noticeable on Christmas. None of them have the heart to wake her, so they pretend it’s every other normal day until Sana wakes up. She isn’t able to get out of bed, but they bring everything to her. Her gifts, her dinner, they bring it all to Sana. Sana loves the cat, telling her it was perfect and that Nayeon didn’t have to get her anything while hugging it like it was the most precious thing in the world. 

Sana gave her a homemade gift. It was a messy homemade scarf, and she excitedly told her that Jihyo and Mina had helped her while they were watching her and Nayeon was at school. It’s messy at best, but Nayeon loves it more than any other gift she’s ever gotten. Mina and Jihyo get her something too, but they don’t give it to her until after Sana has gone to bed. It’s a house key for their house. They told her since she practically lived there any way it was the least they could do for Nayeon. After that, they leave Nayeon with Sana. She pulls her close like she does every night, and she kisses her forehead. It was crazy to Nayeon, how in these short months she had formed a bond so strong with Sana, she never wanted to let her go. In fact, now the mere thought of losing Sana made her feel sick to her stomach. She wanted to be here with her, forever. And Sana felt the same. 

The next day, Nayeon leaves after Sana has fallen asleep in search of a birthday present. She didn’t know what she was going to get, so she went to a mall. She wanders around the different stores, looking for anything that seemed like a good present for Sana. None of it feels right. She was sure Sana would like anything she got for her, but she wanted to get the perfect present for her. Of course, Sana had never expressed wanting anything, so she never made it easy. 

She finds the perfect present for Sana hours later. It’s late by this point, and the mall was about to close. It was a bit expensive, and a bit bold of a gift, but Sana deserved it. Sana deserved the world. It was crazy to Nayeon how in just these short months Sana had completely wrapped her around her finger. Nayeon had some savings she had to dip into for Sana’s present, but she doesn’t mind. The money doesn’t matter to Nayeon, at least as much as Sana did.

Sana hadn’t improved since Christmas, so her birthday is spent in bed as well. Mina and Jihyo had made Sana’s favorite for breakfast, but she barely had an appetite anymore. She hadn’t in a while. IVs had become a more common occurrence for Sana these past few days. Despite the holidays she still got daily doctor visits, even on her birthday she got one. Sana keeps a smile on her face despite her condition. Nayeon waits to give Sana her birthday present until the two are left alone together. Sana is in her arms when she hands it over to her.

“Nayeonie…” Sana trailed off as she opens the present. It was small, smaller than Sana deserved. But it was something.

“I know we just started dating, and I know we haven’t known each other long. But I don’t want to let you go Sana. I can’t imagine my future without you. I hate this town. I hate this stupid place. But with you, with you, I’m able to feel happy. With you, this place isn’t so bad.” Nayeon whispered. “I know we aren’t ready yet, but one day, one day will you marry me Sana?” 

“Nayeonie.” Tears came to Sana’s eyes, but there was a bright smile on her face. Sana put the ring on her own finger. “It fits perfectly.” Sana giggled through her tears. “I’ll wear this until we get married.”

“Okay.” Nayeon leaned down and gave Sana a long kiss. “Thank you.” 

“I love you so much,” Sana whispered against her lips.

“I love you too…” Nayeon always thought Sana looked pretty, but she looked even more beautiful right now. “Crybaby.”

“Stop it.” Sana sniffled. “I’m going to tell Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie you are bullying me.”

“But they will agree with me.” Nayeon giggled at Sana.

“You can’t bully your fiance Nayeon.” Sana pouted.

“I didn’t ask you to marry me.” Nayeon teased her.

“You did too! You gave me a ring.”

“It’s a promise ring weirdo.” Nayeon giggled at her.

“You-you said you wanted to marry me one day.” Sana pouted further.

“I know. And I mean it.” Nayeon gave Sana’s pouty lips a kiss. “Okay, if you want you can call me your fiance. Even if I didn’t really propose to you. I’ll propose to you for real one day.”

“Though, I bet you didn’t ask Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie about this did you. I thought it was traditional to ask a girl's parents for her hand in marriage before proposing.”

“They are your parents now huh?” Nayeon teased. “And again, I’ll give you a real proposal one day. When we aren’t literally in high school.”

“Fine.” Sana pouted. “I’ll be waiting for you, Im Nayeon.”

“Okay. Thank you for waiting for me, Minatozaki Sana.” Nayeon knew she had the stupidest smile on her face. But she couldn’t help it. She was so in love with Sana, she couldn’t help the goofy grin that formed on her face. 

Others may think she was rushing into things, and that she was just a teenager blinded by love. But Nayeon knew it was more. Sana was the reason Nayeon was able to smile. She was the reason Nayeon was able to be happy. She needed Sana like she needed air. She wanted to spend her life with Sana.

Months ago, Nayeon thought she would never be this happy in her life, let alone in that stupid city. But, here she was, smiling the goofiest in love smile a person could give. And she had one person to thank for that, and that was Sana. 

After the break ends, Sana still isn’t able to return to school. Nayeon still brings her all her school work, and Sana still tries her best to keep up with it. She misses all of her tests, but she turns in all of her homework. A couple of times, when Sana’s fevers are down she tries to return to school, but it never works. She gets about halfway to school at best before having to turn around. Nayeon would have to carry her home those days, passing her over to Jihyo when they got back. Nayeon was surprised at how strong the short woman was. Even if she wanted to skip school, there are three people that would force her to go. Even if it was hard to be away from Sana. Even if she didn’t want to be. She had to go. She had to go for herself, she had to go for Sana, for her future, for their future. 

Sana finally comes back to school in March, when the weather has gotten significantly warmer than before. She is told to take it easy, and Nayeon keeps an eye on her. Sana diligently takes all her exams, catching up as fast as she can. She once told Nayeon the last thing she wanted was to get held back, so Nayeon understood why Sana was working so hard. Nayeon tries to stop her from wearing her ring at school, she sees the looks people give her when they see it, but Sana is insistent. She says the only reason she will ever take it off is to wash her hands or shower, but otherwise, she wasn’t going to take it off until they got married or if Nayeon really proposed to her. Nayeon rolls her eyes at the response, but every time she sees it she can’t help her heart from skipping a beat. Sana does get a few more fevers before the school year is over, but she is able to attend enough school and get enough credit on her tests to finish the year with the rest of them. 

Despite the fact Sana is no longer bedridden, Nayeon doesn’t go home. No one asks her to, they don’t expect her to. Mina and Jihyo seem to think of her as part of their family now. It would be weird for Nayeon not to be there. 

That summer is filled with talks about the future. They were about to enter their senior year, so they were supposed to start thinking about that kind of thing. Sana tells Nayeon she wants to go to college, but she is worried about her health. Mina and JIhyo say something similar about the subject too when it comes up. Sana’s parents had set aside money for Sana to go to college before they passed away, so there wasn’t a financial concern. Sana’s doctor had told them if she did decide to go to college, dorm life was out of the question. She would have to stay at home if she wished to go. Eventually, Sana decides to try college out.

Over the summer, Nayeon realizes something. Even if Sana is able to go to college like normal, she would have to attend somewhere close to home, in case her health got bad like they all internally knew it would. She realized that if she wanted to stay with Sana, she would have to attend a school nearby too. She realized she was forced to choose between her dream to finally leave the city that had made her feel trapped her entire life and Sana. It was an easy decision though.

She and Sana work on college applications together all through summer break between breaks helping out at the bakery. They had the same top school, so they were going through a similar process. Nayeon still has no clue what she wants to study, but Sana doesn’t either. Summer break ends quickly, without anything too interesting happening. As the weather starts to cool down, Nayeon starts to hold her breath around Sana.

But everything seems fine, at least at first. Sana was only getting closer to Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Momo. Chaeyoung had decided to apply to an art school abroad so she had her hands full working on the application, but she still would make time for them at lunch. Dahyun had decided she was going to attend a music school in Busan, they had offered her a scholarship and it was one of the best music schools in the country. Momo had told them she had been talking to her dance teacher about possibly getting a full-time job with them when she graduated. 

Nayeon’s birthday comes quickly. She was turning eighteen, and she was happy she was finally going to be independent from her parents. Sana gets her a bracelet for her birthday, one she had made herself. She had said she had tried to find a pretty ring like Nayeon had gotten for her, but that she never found the right one despite looking for months. Nayeon doesn’t mind, she was more than content with the rainbow-colored friendship bracelet Sana had made for her.

Mina and Jihyo seem to be keener on Sana’s habits as fall drags on. She knows they are worried too, but they are all trying to hold back for Sana. She always hates when they worry about her, so they try not to show it. By November, Sana is bedridden again. They had missed their first year anniversary as a couple, but Nayeon said she didn’t mind spending it with Sana at home. Sana seemed to be okay with it, just cuddling with Nayeon. Nayeon had thought about getting Sana a gift, but she had been saving any money she got recently. She couldn’t keep freeloading off of Mina and Jihyo forever, so she had been secretly saving to get her own place at some point. She hoped one day, Sana would come with her. 

Momo, Chaeyoung, and Dahyun stop by to visit occasionally. One at a time, of course, they don’t want to crowd Sana. Dahyun and Momo stop by the most, as they both have the freest time due to mostly having their futures set. They would just stop by for a little while, and they always joked that they were there for the free bread and not Sana, but Sana was always happy to have the visitors.

Everyone notices how Nayeon’s mood dips at school. Without Sana there, she acts like she did before she met Sana. She was more depressed, more short-tempered, angrier. She was angry though. It wasn’t fair that Sana had to suffer like this. It wasn’t fair that her love had to suffer like this. It wasn’t fair that there was nothing Nayeon could do. She hated it so much.

Their college results come out in early December. They open them together, Nayeon having to open Sana’s for her. Sana didn’t even have the strength to open the letter anymore. Sana is very nervous, so Nayeon reads her decision for her. They had both been accepted. Mina makes them a special celebratory dinner, and they celebrate with a few long kisses and talks of their future.

That winter, she asked Jihyo to help her find a job. She had been a bit confused but the question at first, citing confusion as to why Nayeon was looking for a job when they were perfectly fine having her live there without payment. But Nayeon insists she can’t keep freeloading off of them. And she admits to her that she wants to start saving up money for her future with Sana. Jihyo smiles at that, and then she offers her a job working for them at the bakery.

Nayeon was confused by that, she had been helping out around the house since she had started living with them. And she had never been paid for that, she never expected to get paid for that. It was the least she could do for Mina and Jihyo, for putting her up for so long. But Jihyo told her that it would hurt both her and Sana if Nayeon suddenly started spending too much time away from Sana. She said she would give Nayeon more responsibilities at the shop like helping with baking early in the morning and told her she would have her work at the shop while Mina and Jihyo did other things. Jihyo told her she wouldn't pay her too well, but that she didn’t want to see Nayeon make the same mistake she did. 

Nayeon added that to her list of things she was grateful to Mina and Jihyo for. She didn’t tell Sana about it at first, just telling her the bakery was really busy and Nayeon was just trying to help out. Nayeon would wake up early in the morning to help Mina and Jihyo bake. It was an adjustment for Nayeon to wake up so early, but she didn’t mind. Every night Nayeon would close the shop so Jihyo and Mina could rest and eat dinner a bit earlier. She would rotate with the two of them during the day so one of them was always with Sana. Every Sunday she would help Jihyo with the shopping and Jihyo had made her start carrying the heavy stuff. That was where she guessed Jihyo had gotten the arm strength to carry Sana despite the fact Sana was taller than her.

Eventually, Sana finds out that Nayeon had been working for them. She is a bit upset that Nayeon didn’t tell her about it sooner, but Nayeon was able to sway her with a few kisses.

“Why do you need to work anyway?” Sana whined as Nayeon played with her hair. Mina had cut it for her the other day, while Nayeon was at school.

“I need money. I can’t just be a freeloader forever.” Nayeon giggled her face not far from Sana’s as they laid in bed together. Just like they did every day.

“But- we’re happy to have you here with us. Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie don’t mind. They told me so. They like having you here. They said you are like their adorable daughter in law.” Sana whined.

“No, I need to save up. So one day, I can give you a wedding.” Nayeon whispered, nuzzling their noses together. “And then, one day we can live together. And not bother Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie anymore.”

“Yeonie…” Sana trailed off. “I’ll get a job too then. When I’m better. I’ll start working. So we can save up for our wedding and we can live together.”

“You don’t need to do that Sana.” Nayeon nodded. “For now, please just focus on getting better.”

“I can’t let you do all the work.” Sana sighed. “People always do all the work for me so I can be happy. I-I can do stuff myself.”

“Of course you can baby girl, but it’s okay to accept help sometimes. Especially from the people who love you. Seeing you happy makes them happy.” Nayeon answered. “You should sleep. It’s getting late.”

“Yeonie…” Sana trailed off. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Everything was going so perfectly for Nayeon, for the first time in her life. She went to school, she worked, and she took care of Sana. It was a busy life, but she enjoyed it. She liked it even. Because, for the first time in her life, she was surrounded by the people she loved. The people that loved her. Nayeon had never even dreamed of finding something like what she found. She was so grateful to herself for staying when Jihyo had invited her over for dinner for the first time. She was grateful she answered Sana’s questions every morning. She was grateful they got close. That they fell in love. That they had a future together. She wanted to stay like this forever.

But good things only last so long.

Sana’s condition worsens to worse than Nayeon has ever seen it in January. She wasn’t able to even dress herself anymore, or go to the bathroom without help. Jihyo and Mina had talked with her about taking Sana to the hospital, but they had ultimately left the decision up to Sana since it’s not like the hospital could cure her anyway. Sana had declared she wanted to stay home, She said she wouldn’t feel comfortable in the hospital. She says she wouldn’t be able to have Nayeon sleep with her every night anymore. So Sana stays home. Nayeon is beyond worried about her, to the point she was spacing out in class and during lunch. During work she couldn’t think of anything but how Sana was doing upstairs and if she was comfortable. She couldn’t think of anything but Sana.

Sana is so feverish she can’t do her school work anymore. Her head is never clear enough anymore. Nayeon hated seeing her like this, but she had to remind herself there was nothing she could do. Absolutely nothing. 

And then things somehow get worse.

Since Nayeon had decided to start staying with Sana, her parents had never contacted her. There was no reason for them to. Nayeon had been independent before she left, she had been since she was young. Nayeon had a separate bank account from them, and she was a master at forging their signatures. They never cared enough to ask if Nayeon needed anything, so they just let her be. And she was fine with that. So needless to say when her mother called her, Nayeon was suspicious. She didn’t even want to answer it, but she was with Sana and Sana was looking at her expectantly. So she answered it.

Her father had gotten arrested. He had been embezzling from his company, and he had gotten arrested that morning. And it wasn’t only that. Apparently he had been gambling and had racked up quite a debt. Her mother had to use all of their savings to try and pay it off, but it wasn’t enough. And she had to use all of the money they had put aside for Nayeon’s college to cover the rest. Even if they weren’t close, Nayeon had known her parents had set up a college fund for her when she was little, hell she had contributed to it throughout her life. She had checked it before she started wondering, and had known it had enough in it to cover her tuition for the school she was looking at. But now, now it was all gone. All that money was gone. 

“Baby…” After her mother had explained everything to her, Nayeon had hung up. She didn’t have anything to say to her. She knew she hadn’t done anything wrong, this time. It had been her father that had fucked up, but Nayeon couldn’t stop herself from being angry at her. “Hey, it’s okay. You can apply for a scholarship-”

“It’s too late for that Sana.” Nayeon interrupted her. “I can’t believe it’s all gone…” Even if she wanted to use the small amount of money she had accumulated from working at the bakery wasn’t even close to the amount she needed.

“Yeonie…” Sana held her hand tighter. “Baby… I’m sorry.”

“What am I supposed to do now Sana?” Nayeon asked. “I-I-I guess I can’t go to college.”

“Yeonie… I can help you. We can both get a job and we can work hard and we-we can- we can-”

“Shut up Sana!” Nayeon snapped. “Stop it. Please.” She immediately regretted snapping at Sana. Sana didn’t do anything wrong. She was just so frustrated. It wasn’t fair. She had been promised that money, and some of it was her own. That was the one nice thing her parents had done for her. It was the one thing she was thankful to them for. And it had been ripped from her grasp.

“I’m sorry…” Sana trailed off. 

“No-no I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m so sorry…” Tears came to Nayeon’s eyes as guilt swallowed her alive. She had never cried in front of Sana, but she couldn’t help it. She had hurt Sana. She had let her frustrations out and she had yelled at her.

“Yeonie, come here.” Sana opened her arms for her. Nayeon couldn’t say no to her, hugging her closely. She buried her face into Sana’s warm shoulder, and Sana put her hands on her back. “We will get through this. You will get through.” Sana whispered to her, her arms trailing up Nayeon’s back. “It’s okay you got frustrated. Everyone does. Go ahead and cry. It’s okay.” Sana whispered to her, hugging her tightly.

“It’s not fair Sana.” Nayeon sobbed into Sana’s arms. 

“I know, it’s not,” Sana answered. “But it will be okay. You will still get to go to college baby. I promise.”

The next week, a suspiciously large amount of money appears in Nayeon’s bank account. She asks Mina and Jihyo if they know anything about it, but they tell her they have no clue. When she asks Sana, her girlfriend wasn’t able to lie to her.

“You deserve it more than me Yeonie.” Sana told her while she was laying in Nayeon’s arms. “I called the bank yesterday and told them to give it to you.”

“Sana… No no, I can’t take your money-”

“No. Let me do this for you.” Sana nodded. “Everyone always makes sacrifices for me. Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie do. You do. It’s my turn to make a sacrifice for you.”

“But Sana, your parents put that money aside for you to go to college. You should use it for yourself-”

“No.” Sana looked her in the eyes, the most serious look on her face Nayeon had ever seen. “With my condition… With my condition, it will be hard for me to go to do well in college. Even if I study hard, my health will make it complicated. I didn’t even really want to go anyway. You deserve it so much more than me baby. I’m not taking it back.”

“But-but what about your future-”

“I talked with Jihyo Unnie and Mina Unnie about it. They said I could work at the bakery full time when I graduate. Even if- even if we move out they said I could still work here. They said they would even pay me.” Sana told her. “I’m not stupid, I know my health will make my future complicated. I thought about it and even if I go to college, I don’t think I’ll be able to really get a good job, no matter what I study. The money is better spent on you. My parents would agree if they were still here. Please don’t try to talk me out of this. I’ve decided on it already.”

“So Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie did know about this… They said they didn’t know anything earlier.”

“I wanted to tell you myself. It was my decision, so I wanted you to find out from me.” Sana answered.

“Sana… I can’t thank you enough.” Nayeon muttered, cuddling closer to Sana. “But I can try. Thank you.”

“Of course baby. Part of loving people is giving things up for them, you told me that once.” Sana smiled at her. “Now I hate to ask this of you but can you help me to the bathroom? I tried to stand up earlier but I ended up back in bed.

“Of course Sana. I’ll do anything for you.”

Sana ends up finally being able to go back to school in late March. She just barely has enough credit to graduate, but she’s able to graduate with the rest of them. Sana has a fever the day of the ceremony, but she insists on going anyway. Mina and Jihyo come with them to school that morning, wanting to make sure Sana gets there okay with her fever. They stick around for the graduation ceremony, and when Nayeon peeks over at them while Sana is getting her diploma, she can see both of them are crying. She wasn’t sure if it was out of happiness, or sadness.

Chaeyoung had to leave pretty quickly after the ceremony. She had gotten accepted into the art school in France she wanted to go to, but it meant she had to fly there right after the graduation ceremony. They all give her long hugs before they go their separate ways. Dahyun and Momo promised to come over to the bakery tomorrow after celebrating with their families. They then go find Mina and Jihyo. They aren’t crying anymore, but even Nayeon could tell they were beaming in pride.

“How are you feeling Sana?” Was the first thing Mina asked them.

“I’m okay.” Sana nodded.

“Let me feel.” Mina put a hand on Sana’s forehead.

“Unnie,” Sana whined.

“You're still a bit warm...” Mina commented.

“Onee-chan, stop it.” Sana pouted in Japanese. Nayeon didn’t know a word of Japanese, but she would hear Sana and Mina talk in it sometimes.

“Sana, we got you a graduation gift.” Jihyo interrupted the two.

“Really? You didn’t have to.” Sana slapped Mina’s hand away.

“Well, it’s a gift for Nayeon too.” Jihyo smiled at them. “Here.” Jihyo handed both of them an envelope.

“We know you two were trying to save up enough for your own place, that should be enough to cover a few months rent.” Mina smiled at the two of them.

“Huh? Oh no no we can’t take your money-”

“We insist.” Jihyo interrupted Nayeon. “Just take it. But we aren’t trying to rush you guys to move out or anything, if you want to use it on something else you can.” 

“Jihyo Unnie… Mina Unnie… Thank you.” Sana smiled at them.

“We know it’s not a ton of money.” Mina smiled at the two of them. “But it’s something.”

“We can’t thank you enough for this.” Nayeon smiled at them. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course we did. We are proud of both of you.” Jihyo wrapped her arm around Mina from behind. “Nayeon why don’t you take Sana home so she can rest? Mina and I have a few errands we need to take care of, but we will meet you there.”

“Alright, come on Sana, let’s go.” Sana nodded, trailing behind her. Once they are out of the school, Sana’s steps seem a bit uneven, so Nayeon offers her a piggyback ride. Sana smiles at her and accepts it. Nayeon was happy Jihyo had been making her carry such heavy stuff at the bakery, her arms strength was much better than it was the first time she had tried to carry Sana. When they get back, Nayeon takes Sana up to bed and forces her to lay down. While Sana is resting, she looks at the stack of papers on Sana’s desk. It was Nayeon’s college registration papers, she had been working on them last night after Sana had gone to bed. They were mostly done now, she just had to mail them off.

She looked at them one last time before deciding to climb into Sana’s bed with her. She couldn’t help but look forward to what the future had in store for them. 

Nayeon still works part time at the bakery, but between college classes and apartment hunting, she has less time than she did before. Sana worked at the bakery all day, always waiting for Nayeon to get home from classes with a smile. After Naeyon would get home, they would go out and look at apartments. While Nayeon did homework, Sana did apartment research. It was busy, but they liked it. 

They end up finding a good apartment close to Mina and Jihyo’s house. They were able to get a good deal on it, so they were able to save a bit of extra money. Mina and Jihyo helped them move, and said teary goodbyes to them early in the evening to let them spend their first night in their new apartment.

Sana cooks them dinner while Nayeon does some homework. She had decided she was going to study engineering not too long after starting college. She had always done well in math and science courses, plus she knew it was a well paying and stable career. Sana had told her Nayoen didn’t have to worry about money and instead to focus on what made her happy, but engineering made Nayeon happy.

“Hey Yeonie?” Sana asks her as she cooks. Mina had been teaching her to cook over the last year when Sana wasn’t bedridden, so she wasn’t terrible.

“Yeah?” Nayeon hummed, not looking up from her textbook.

“Do you think- do you think we could get married this year?”

“Huh?” Nayeon looks up from her book.

“We don’t have to have a ceremony or anything. It doesn’t have to be fancy either. We can just go get a marriage license.” Sana elaborated.

“Why the rush?” Nayeon asked.

“I don’t know…” Sana trailed off. “I just- I want to be married to you.”

“Why silly?”

“Cause I want to be your wife,” Sana answered.

“Well, you will be, one day. When we can afford the pretty fancy wedding you deserve.” Nayeon smiled at her from the small kitchen table.

“But-but what if I get worse?”

“Huh?”

“What if my health gets worse?” Sana clarified.

“Sana baby did the doctor say anything about you getting worse? Are you okay do you need to go lie down-”

“No, the doctor said I was fine. He actually said I might be better this winter than I was last year. He said that all my vitals are better this year than they were last year. It’s just- I’m scared. What if one day I get really bad and I-I lose my vision or can’t walk anymore or something.” Sana explained.

“Where’s this coming from Sana?”

“Mina was… Telling me about our mom today. I didn’t know this but apparently, she couldn’t walk after I was born, and that she had started losing her vision before she passed and she said it was because of the sickness. And that made me think. I want to be able to marry you while I’m still healthy. While I’m still able to walk with you and kiss you and see you.” Sana explained. “I know I’m being selfish and that you're right that we should wait… But I just- I’m afraid that my body won’t wait. I know the doctor said I was okay… But what if something happens?”

“Sana… Come here.” Nayeon pat her lap and Sana turned the burner off before going over to Nayeon and sitting in her lap. Nayeon wrapped her arms around Sana’s stomach and held her close. “Your right. We never know what is going to happen next. Who knows, next week I could be the sick one. Life is crazy like that, and it is a little scary. I get it. So if you want to get married now, let’s do it.”

“Really?” Sana asked excitedly.

“I mean yeah. Your health is good right now, we live on our own, we are old enough. Let’s get married.” Nayeon smiled at Sana. “Tomorrow though okay? I need to finish my report tonight.”

“Okay.” Sana giggled. “You know, I wouldn’t really call this a proper proposal.”

“I’ll go buy you a ring tomorrow. We have some extra money left over from what Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie gave us.” Nayeon kissed Sana’s cheek. “How about you finish dinner and I’ll finish my report, and then we can eat and sleep, we’re getting married tomorrow so we should rest.”

“Okay.” Sana giggled, the biggest smile on her face. Nayeon would have married Sana last year if she could have. Even if they were both young and reckless, Nayeon could not imagine her life without Sana. She didn’t want to. She wanted to be with her, forever and ever. And Nayeon was just happy to know Sana felt the same.

The next day, they go to the courthouse, and they legally get married. They buy some medium-range rings on their way there and slip them onto each other through their vows. When they go over to Mina and Jihyo for work that afternoon, both of them immediately notice. Nayeon could tell they both seemed a bit taken aback at how suddenly they had gotten married, and she could tell they were both worried, but Nayeon did her best to reassure them that this was what they both wanted. They didn't have any regrets.

They were both just happy.

Years pass by faster than Nayeon can even keep track. Sana does do a bit better in the winters now, and apparently, it was because of the new treatment her doctor had been giving her. She still gets bedridden a few times, but it’s usually only for a few days rather than weeks. Nayeon is infinitely thankful for that improvement. She and Sana are happy together. She knows some people doubt that they were going to last long, they did get married when they were eighteen after all, but they were happy. 

Nayeon hadn’t believed in soulmates until she met Sana. Before meeting Sana she thought the whole concept of soulmates was stupid. But Sana made her realize the concept wasn’t stupid because Sana was her soulmate. She even if that had scared her at first, she had come to love it.

Everything changes again during Nayeon’s junior year of college. Even now she was still working part-time at the bakery, though her hours had been reduced due to all of her school work. Jihyo and Mina always understood and would let her work on homework when there was a lull in customers or they didn’t have anything else to do. Sana was still working there too, but she had told Nayeon now that her health was better, she was thinking about maybe looking for a different job. Not that she didn’t love working at the bakery, but she wanted a bit more independence. Nayeon supported her one hundred percent, she would support whatever Sana wanted to do.

One day, while there’s a break in customers, Nayeon is working on some homework. Sana had asked Mina to go back to the house with her to ask her a question, and they had left almost thirty minutes ago. Jihyo and her were upfront at the counter, Jihyo reading a book while Nayeon worked. Everything was quiet until they heard probably the loudest sound they had ever heard out of Mina.

Panic filled both of them and they quickly left the shop, immediately worried about their two wives. They found Mina standing in the doorway to the downstairs bathroom, Sana behind her.

“What is it?” Jihyo immediately asked her wife.

“Yeah is something wrong?” Nayeon asked.

“No! I was just uh- I was surprised!” This was probably the most animated Nayeon had ever seen Mina.

“By what?” Jihyo asked.

“Um…” Mina looked back at Sana, who was standing in the bathroom awkwardly.

“By um what I told her,” Sana spoke up.

“What did you tell her?” Jihyo asked, wrapping one arm around her wife.

“Oh uh Sana you don’t have to tell them yet if you don’t want to I’m sorry for causing a scene-”

“No Mina Unnie it’s okay.” Sana nodded, still standing there awkwardly. “Yenoie come here.” Nayeon nodded, moving past Mina and Jihyo to find Sana and wrap her arms around her.

“What is it baby?” Nayeon asked. She wasn’t sure what would cause such a reaction out of Mina. To her knowledge, Sana still hadn’t found a new job yet and she had told Nayeon she didn’t want to tell Mina and Jihyo she was looking until she found one. There wasn’t anything else very exciting going on in their lives at the moment, at least that she knew of.

“Nayeonie… Jihyo Unnie… Well, I’m uh- I’m pregnant.” Sana admitted, a blush on her cheeks.

“But-but what I thought you took birth control-”

“I did. Uh, it’s not one hundred percent effective though.” Sana giggled a little. “I know we didn’t plan on having any kids yet, but uh surprise?” 

“Sana… Sana, that's amazing.” Nayeon hugged Sana tightly. Sure, she was terrified of what this announcement would entail. She was still in school and it’s not like they had a ton of disposable income or anything, and this wasn’t something they had planned at all, but at the same time Nayeon couldn’t help but be excited. Sana and her hand talked about kids once early in their marriage. Nayeon had always loved kids and Sana had confessed to her once that she had always wanted to be a mom, so they decided that when things were more stable they would have one. Sure they weren’t stable quite yet, but things happen sometimes. And even if it was unexpected, Nayeon was happy to be having a baby with the love of her life.

“Jihyo honey say something.” Mina giggled at the dumbfounded look on her wife’s face.

“Mina-our-our Sana is- our little girl is pregnant Mina,” Jihyo told her wife, her eyes sparkling in excitement.

“I’m not your little girl Jihyo Unnie.” Sana pouted. “Not anymore.”

“You are Sana… And you're having a baby. My grandchild.” Jihyo smiled at her, patting her head. 

“Well, technically it’s your niece.” Nayeon laughed. 

“Oh but what about your health? Have you talked to your doctor about this yet?” Jihyo ignored Nayeon’s comment.

“No I haven’t, I just found out myself.” Sana snuggled closer to Nayeon’s arm. “I haven’t had my period in two months… So I’m guessing I’m about that far along?”

“So we’ll have a December baby then just like you.” Nayeon giggled, nuzzling her nose together with Sana’s.

“Yeah. Just like me.” Sana giggled at the butterfly kiss. “Thank you for being happy about this, I know it’s a little earlier than we planned-”

“No.” Nayeon cut her off with a kiss. “Thank you. Thank you so much for this wonderful gift Sana. I’m sure you’ll be an amazing mother baby. I can’t wait to meet our baby.” 

Nayeon knew she probably looked stupid with how happy she was, but she was excited. Sure, they were still young and this was going to be a lot of responsibility, but Nayeon was looking forward to it. She had Sana with her after all. And when she had Sana, she could do anything.

Nayeon still hated Seoul. She still hated the people. She still hated the bright neon lights on her walk home at night. She still hated her parents. She still felt like it trapped her there, and it still made her sick to her core. But even in a terrible place like that, that she hated so much, she was able to find people she loved more than anything. She was still able to find a family. She still found Sana.

And she couldn’t help but look forward to spending the rest of her life with Sana and their unborn child.


	2. two

After chatting for a bit, Jihyo and Mina give them both the rest of the day off to talk about the baby and what they were going to do next. They pick up some dinner on their way home, Nayeon said it was her treat to celebrate. Sana said she would have been okay cooking dinner, but Nayeon insisted. They pick up some chicken, and they eat together before moving to their small living room. Sana was on her phone while Nayeon finished up her homework.

“Hey Yeonie… Are you really excited about the baby?” Sana asked, putting her phone down.

“Of course I am. I told you I was.” Nayeon laughed. “Stop worrying about it.”

“It’s just- I know it’s sudden…” Sana trailed off.

“Sure it was sudden, but it’s okay.” Nayeon smiled at her. “Are you excited? You keep asking me how I feel… But I haven’t really asked you yet.”   
“I’m… Yeah. I’m excited.” Sana smiled at her, shifting closer to Nayeon on the couch. “Ever since we got married… I’ve thought about having a baby with you. I knew we needed to wait though until you graduated.”

“Well, I’ll be graduating soon enough. I’m starting my senior year next year, and if the baby is born in December then it will only be a few months old when I do graduate. If I make it to graduation with all this work.” Nayeon sighed. “I’m happy I chose engineering, but there’s so much work. Sometimes I feel like it’s going to kill me.”

“It’s okay Yeonie. You’ve made it this far.” Sana giggled at her. “How about this, when you graduate I’ll bring the baby there. The two of us can watch you walk across the graduation stage and be proud of you together.”

“Silly the baby will only be a few months old. I doubt they will be able to sit through the whole ceremony.” Nayeon giggled, turning towards Sana. “But I guess it would be nice to have my wife and baby there.”

“So it’s a promise, when you graduate we will both be there.” Sana smiled at her. It was then she noticed her wife had one hand lingering on her stomach. It was still flat, but Nayeon guessed it would start growing soon. She couldn’t stop the excitement from swelling within her at the thought. 

“Then I’ll work hard so I can get to graduation.” That statement made Nayeon think about her life before Sana. Before, it was like she had no motivation. She did well in school because she thought she may get to leave Seoul if she did, but otherwise, she didn’t have a reason as to why she was doing anything. She didn’t have anything she was working towards. But now, now she had found that. She was motivated to graduate and find a job so she could provide for Sana and their child. So they could have a better life. So they could be happy. 

“Oh right, I forgot to tell you I invited Momo over for dinner tomorrow.” Sana smiled and took Nayeon’s left hand, squeezing it tightly.

“You did?” Since Momo was the only one who stayed in Seoul after they graduated, they had stayed pretty close to her. Apparently, she would visit Sana at the bakery every day while Nayeon was in class. Nayeon had always tried to schedule early classes, so she would be able to work afternoons at the bakery with Sana. Because of that, she never really saw the customers who came in the morning. Sana had told her about how Momo would visit her every day before work, and how she would always ask about Nayeon. Every once in a while, Momo would come over for dinner. It wasn’t a daily occurrence, but it was often enough that Nayeon was used to coming home from her shift at the bakery and seeing Momo laying on their couch and complaining she was hungry. Sana always got off about an hour before her, since Nayeon always insisted on handling closing by herself, so she was usually there with Momo cooking. 

“Yup. She said she’s going to bring Dahyun, apparently, she’s back in town for summer break.” Nayeon turned back to her homework, lacing her fingers with Sana’s with her left hand while she wrote with her right.

“She is? That’s nice.” Nayeon nodded, focusing back on her work. “I should be home by seven as usual.”

“Alright. I’ll plan on serving dinner at seven-fifteen then.” Sana giggled. “How do you think they are going to react to the baby?”

“They will probably have some over the top reaction and then tease me relentlessly until they leave.” Nayeon rolled her eyes at the thought. 

“You're probably right. We should invite Chaeyoung over when she gets back too. We can do something together as a group.” Sana giggled, taking Nayeon’s hand that was interlaced with hers and threw it over her shoulder, pressing her body to Nayeon’s.

“We shouldn’t do anything too much, you shouldn’t push yourself.” Nayeon was still focused on her work, but she did pull Sana closer to her. “We don’t know what your doctor is going to say when you talk to him about the baby.”

“I know… But it would be nice to do something fun with them.” Sana smiled at her. “Anyway, I’m going to go shower. I won’t use up all the hot water so you can take one later.”

“Don’t worry about me, take as much hot water as you want.” Nayeon giggled. “I can’t let the mother of my child taking uncomfortably short showers. I think that would be abuse.” 

“I don’t think it’s abuse, but it’s cute to hear you call me that.” Sana giggled, kissing Nayeon’s cheek.

“No? Well, I think Jihyo Unnie would kick my ass anyway if she found out I wasn’t letting you take proper showers.” Before Sana had moved out, Jihyo had pulled her aside and stressed to her that she was trusting Nayeon to take care of Sana. To make sure she was happy and comfortable even if she was healthy. She had found it a bit funny at the time, she had never pegged Jihyo as the overprotective parent type. But she had agreed because of course, she agreed. Even if Jihyo hadn’t asked, Nayeon would have still made sure Sana was happy and comfortable. 

“She wouldn’t hurt you. She likes you.” Sana laughed. “I’ll be back. Good luck with your homework.” 

“Thanks, baby.”

Nayeon sighed and leaned back on the couch when she heard the shower turn on. Their apartment was small, there was only one bedroom and the living room barely fit their couch and tv. It was old too, there was a lot of dust and the appliances barely worked. They didn’t have enough hot water for two ten minute showers. They didn’t even have a washing machine, they always did their laundry at Mina and Jihyo’s. The heating was terrible, and there wasn’t any air conditioning either. Their walls were thin, so they could sometimes hear their neighbors when they were yelling. They always had to be quiet to not disturb them. It wasn’t the best neighborhood either, Nayeon had no clue if there were even any schools nearby, let alone good ones. It was hardly the right place to raise a child in.

Nayeon decided then that she would work hard, so one day they could afford to leave. They didn’t have near enough right now, especially since they had a baby on the way. But if Nayeon studied hard, and got a good job, they may be able to afford somewhere nicer. Maybe they could even find a house to live in one day.

While she was waiting for Sana to finish showering, she imagined the perfect house for them. She didn’t want anything too big, but maybe they could find something so the baby could have their own room. Maybe they could even have a guest room. And maybe, there could be a little garden in their backyard. She thought Sana would love gardening. She could imagine Sana taking their child out to the garden and let them help her. And she could imagine the two of them running to greet her when she got home, matching smiles on their faces. She hoped the baby got Sana’s smile.

Nayeon got back to work after letting herself entertain the idea. It would never happen if she didn’t work hard. 

Momo and Dahyun both tease her relentlessly about the baby, just like she thought they would. They told them they weren’t surprised Nayeon couldn’t keep it in her pants, and even if it was sudden they were happy for them. Later, while Sana was busy cleaning up they pulled her aside and asked how she really felt about all of it. Nayeon answered them truthfully, that of course, she was happy about it, and that she could do anything if she had Sana by her side. They told her that was the answer they were looking for, and then told her if they ever needed anything they would be there for them.

Later, after they left, and the two of them were in bed together, Nayeon finally got the opportunity to speak to her about what had been on her mind all day.

“Sana… You talked to your doctor today right?” Sana was lying in Nayeon’s arms, both of them naked and their legs tangled together. Sana was still catching her breath, but Nayeon thought she looked gorgeous like that. 

“Uh-hum.” Sana nodded. “He came by the bakery and looked me over during my lunch break.”

“You told him about the baby right?”

“Of course.” Sana nodded. “He said he is a bit worried about my health, but since I’ve been doing better lately I should be okay. Of course, he told me I had to stop taking my medicine, but he said he would find an alternative for me. He also said he would talk with my OBGYN, whenever I found one.”

“That’s good. I was worried about what he would say.” Nayeon smiled at Sana, kissing her forehead. “We should find you an OBGYN soon, shouldn’t we?”

“Uh-hum.” Sana nodded. “Mina said she would help me find one tomorrow. She and Jihyo are both really excited about it. They said they would watch the baby for us whenever we wanted.” 

“Well, at least we know we have a free babysitter.” Nayeon giggled, reaching one hand to brush Sana’s hair out of her face.

“I still can’t believe it Yeonie…” Sana trailed off, taking one of Nayeon’s hands and putting it on her bare stomach.

“Believe what?” Nayeon’s hand kept brushing Sana’s hand as her other rested on her wife’s stomach.

“That I’m pregnant.” Sana answered. “It’s a weird thought that there’s a living thing inside of me.”

“I suppose it is kind of a weird thought.” Nayeon giggled. “I wonder what our baby will look like.” 

“I hope it looks like you.” Sana giggled with her.

“No, I don’t want it to look like me. I was an ugly baby.” Nayeon kissed Sana’s cheek. “I hope it looks like you.”

“Well, I was an ugly baby too,” Sana whined. 

“I bet you were a pretty baby.” Nayeon nodded. “The prettiest baby.” 

“I was ugly! Ask Mina Unnie.” Sana pouted. “You know my parents would probably be happy if they saw us like this… My mom loved babies. She always told me she was excited for the day Mina and Jihyo had one. I don’t remember that much about her, but I remember that.” A smile crossed Sana’s face. She always smiled when she was talking about her parents. Nayeon could tell Sana really loved her parents, even if she hadn’t spent much time with them.

“Jihyo Unnie told me once if your parents were still around, your dad would probably hate me. She said he was protective over you and Mina Unnie.” Nayeon giggled. “She said he almost killed Jihyo Unnie when she asked him to propose to Mina Unnie. I didn’t even ask before I married you. And now I’ve gotten his precious Sana pregnant. He would have definitely killed me.” 

“I don’t think he would have done that. I don’t remember much about my dad, but I remember him being nice.” Sana laughed. “Hey Yeonie…”

“Hm?” Nayeon hummed, untangling a knot from Sana’s hair. It was still slightly damp from her shower, Nayeon had showered with her that night.

“Can I… Can I meet your parents?”

“Huh?”

“Well… You haven’t talked to them since… Since all those years ago. And I realized the other day that even though we’ve been married for years, I haven’t even introduced myself to them. And now- we’re going to have a baby together. I should at least introduce myself to our child’s grandparents. Your dad is out of jail by now right?”

“I have nothing to say to them,” Nayeon growled. “Absolutely nothing.” She knew Sana was right. Sana had every right to meet her parents. She had been married to Nayeon for almost three years now, and she hadn’t even met Nayeon’s parents. She deserved that much, especially since they were about to have a baby. Even if Nayeon intended to never let them near her precious child. 

“I know baby… I know. You don’t have to say anything to them. Anything at all. But-but they deserve to at least know they are having a grandchild.” Sana sighed. “I just want to introduce myself to them, as their daughter in law. We don’t have to stay for long. You don’t even have to come with me if you can just tell me where to go-”

“I’ll go with you.” Nayeon nodded. “But we aren’t staying for long.”

“That’s alright.” Sana smiled at her. “I’m not saying they are going to be a part of the baby’s life, or that we have to talk to them after this. Just once. So you can properly say goodbye to them.”

“Is that what this is all really about?” Nayeon asked. “Closure?”

“Well, we should have everything settled before the baby is born. If you don’t intend to see them ever again, you should say goodbye.” Sana nodded.

“Okay.” Nayeon leaned her face forward and gave Sana a long kiss. “That makes sense. But I don’t want them to be a part of the baby’s life. I don’t even want them meeting our precious baby. Jihyo Unnie and Mina Unnie will be its grandparents.”

“Thank you Yeonie. But Mina Unnie said she’s too young to be a grandmother. She said she wants to be Auntie Mina.” Sana smiled, giving Nayeon another kiss. “Hey, do you want a girl or a boy?”

“I don’t care. As long as the baby is healthy.” Nayeon nodded. “What about you?”

“I don’t care either. Well, I do have a preference but I don’t want to say it out loud. The baby being more healthy is way more important than that.” Sana giggled.

“Well, why not silly?” Nayeon asked. “Let’s hear it. Boy or girl?”

“Nu-uh. I’m not going to say it.” Sana scrunched her face up, pouting like a little child.

“I forgot I married a weirdo.” Nayeon giggled at Sana.

“Stop it! I’m not weird.” Sana whined. Nayeon gave her another kiss in response. 

“Come on, it’s late. Let’s sleep.” Sana shifted closer to Nayeon and laid her head on Nayeon’s bare chest. That night, they both fell asleep just like that. Sana’s head on Nayeon’s chest and Nayeon’s hand on Sana’s stomach. 

Sana scheduled her first appointment with an OBGYN for the next week, when Nayeon started her summer break and her finals were over. Nayeon had asked Sana how much they would need to pay for the appointment, but Sana said Mina and Jihyo had insisted on taking care of it already. Nayeon had tried to tell them she could take care of it, that it was her job as the baby’s other parent to take care of things like medical bills for Sana, but Mina and Jihyo told her that they already had it taken care of. It was then they told her that before Sana’s parents passed away, they had started another fund, separate from her college fund, for her medical bills. That was how they had been paying for Sana’s doctors over the years, and apparently, it still had plenty of money to cover her OBGYN bills, so Nayeon really didn’t have to worry about it.

Most of Nayeon’s classmates had already found internships for the summer. She was about to start her senior year, that was the time to find a good internship so you could hopefully get a job offer after graduation. But Nayeon had decided when Sana told her she was pregnant she was going to get a second job over the summer. She would still work at the bakery, but she would find another part-time job so they could hopefully save up some money before the baby was born. Her engineering professor changes all of that though.

One day, she pulls Nayeon aside after class. This particular professor had worked at a big engineering firm before deciding to become a professor, and apparently that firm had approached her about finding some summer interns. Apparently, she had sent Nayeon’s name their way because she had always thought Nayeon was a good student who worked hard. Nayeon tried to say she didn’t want an internship, that she needed to work and save up some money over the summer, but her teacher interrupted her. The internship would be paid. Well paid. Paid more than any part-time job would pay. Nayeon knew then there was no way she could turn the opportunity down. Even if it requires a lot of Nayeon’s time.

She has to stop working at the bakery for the internship, and she would have to work long hours. Mina, Jihyo, and Sana all were so excited for her. Sana tells her she’s decided to just keep working at the bakery, at least until the baby is born. Without Nayeon, Mina and Jihyo were going to have more to do at the bakery and she wanted to help out. Plus, it was hard to find a job when she was pregnant since she was going to have to take time off once the baby was born. Nayeon had secretly been hoping Sana would keep working there, she felt a lot safer knowing Mina and Jihyo are there to help keep Sana from working too hard. 

After finals, Nayeon’s internship starts. She has to leave around seven each morning, though Sana is usually gone by then to help with the baking. Sana always wakes her up before she leaves, to make sure Nayeon gets to her internship on time. Nayeon doesn’t get home until after Sana, but Sana always has dinner ready for her. The day of Sana’s appointment, Nayeon has to meet her at the office. She had taken her lunch break a bit later so she could accompany Sana to her appointment. Sana was waiting for her when she got there, and she smiled and handed Nayeon some bread she had brought for Nayeon to eat so she could eat something.

Seeing the baby on the ultrasound for the first time is absolutely magical. Nayeon thought she would never feel as much for something else as she felt for Sana, but the baby, their baby proved her wrong. It was a tiny blur at the moment, it didn’t even look like a human, but Nayeon thought it was adorable. That was their baby. They get a print of the ultrasound, and Nayeon puts it in her wallet before she has to rush back to work. 

She’s in a good mood for the rest of the day. Her internship was incredibly difficult, and she guessed that was why the pay was so good, but after the appointment, she isn’t able to get rid of the goofy grin on her face. Sana is waiting for her when she gets home, an equally big smile on her face. They eat dinner together before relaxing in bed together, Nayeon’s hands on Sana’s stomach as Sana lays in her arms.

“We should come up with a name.” Sana comments, shifting closer to Nayeon.

“Baby we still have seven months, it’s a little early.” Nayeon giggled, burying her face into Sana’s shoulder from behind.

“It’s never too early. We need a boy name and a girl name.” Sana nodded. “Hm… Let’s see something with Yeon…”

“Woah hold on why is the baby getting something from my name?” Nayeon asked.

“Well, cause I figured it should.” Sana nodded. “It’s your baby.”

“It’s your baby too.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. “We haven’t even talked about its last name.” Sana and Nayeon hadn’t taken each other's last names when they got married. They just decided to keep things as they were. Nayeon had already registered for college at the time, and changing the forms would be difficult anyway.

“I thought it was just going to have your last name.” Sana giggled.

“No no. It should have your last name.” Nayeon insisted. “My last name is… well let’s just say I’ve thought about taking yours a few times. I decided I was going to talk to you when I graduated about taking yours.”

“I didn’t know that… Your welcome to take mine. Minatozaki Nayeon that’s a good name, though it is a mouthful.” Sana laughed.

“Minatozaki Nayeon sounds pretty good to me. When I graduate I’ll go legally change it.” Nayeon smiled at Sana, moving her hand to rub small circles on her stomach. “If both of us are going to have Minatozaki as our last names, then the baby should too.”

“Alright alright, you have a point.” Sana giggled. “So Minatozaki something-yeon.”

“Stop it. I don’t want the baby to have Yeon in its name.” Nayeon yawned. “I was named after my good for nothing grandfather, I don’t want the baby to have that too.”

“I didn’t know you were named after your grandfather.” Sana put her hands over Nayeon’s on her stomach.

“Yeah. My mother’s father. He was an asshole.” Nayeon sighed. “Let’s try something else for a name. What names do you like? Be honest with me.”

“Well, I don’t know Korean names very well… You suggest some.” Sana smiled at Nayeon.

“Its name doesn’t have to be a Korean name. Tell me some Japanese names. I’ve always thought Japanese names were pretty.” Nayeon held Sana’s hands on Sana’s stomach. “What’s a name you really like? Any name.”

“I don’t know…” Sana trailed off. “This is hard. How do normal people name their kids?”

“Well they normally just choose names they like or names that are important to their family or something,” Nayeon answered.

“Names that are important to their family…” Sana trailed off.

“Sana, what were your parents' names?” Nayeon asked. “Maybe we can give our baby names like theirs.”

“You would-you would be okay with that?” Sana stuttered, tears coming to her eyes at the thought. The doctor warned them Sana might be more emotional during her pregnancy.

“Of course. You really loved your parents Sana. And they really loved you. We should give our baby a name that honors them.” Nayeon brought one hand up to wipe Sana’s tears. “What were their names?”

“Keiko and Nihiro.” Sana answered her question.

“Hm... I don’t really know many Japanese names. So tell me, what names have those characters in them?” Nayeon asked.

“Well, there is the name Nico... It has Ni from my dad’s name and co from my mom’s. It’s spelled differently in English, but it’s the same Japanese character.” Nayeon smiled at the name. “It’s gender-neutral too.” 

“Minatozaki Nico, I think that’s a very good name for our baby.” Nayeon kissed Sana’s cheek again. “I can’t wait to meet you Minatozaki Nico.” Sana started crying more at Nayeon’s statement. “Hey baby, don’t cry.”

“Can’t help it.” Sana sobbed.

“What are you going to do Nico? Your mommy is such a crybaby.” Nayeon laughed.

“Shut up.” Sana sniffled as Nayeon continued to wipe her tears. “Nico what are you going to do? Your mama is such a bully.”

“You know I love you right?” Nayeon giggled.

“Yeah yeah you tell me that.” Sana sniffled again.

“I mean it.” Nayeon kissed Sana’s cheek once again. “I love you and our baby, our Nico, more than anything.”

“We love you too.” Sana squeezed Nayeon’s hand that was still on her stomach. “Now let’s go to bed, we both have early mornings tomorrow.”

The next day, Nayeon finds a paper on her and Sana’s shared desk. It was written in kanji, so she has no idea what it says. When she asks, Sana said she was just writing out Nico’s name in kanji, wanting to see it written down for the first time. Nayeon may not have been able to read it, but she thought it looked beautiful. 

When they tell Mina and Jihyo the name they picked out, the two of them both tear up. Mina cries. Later, Jihyo tells her that Mina had picked the same name out for the two of them a long time ago if they ever had a child. That only solidifies the fact that they want to name the baby Nico.

Sana’s morning sickness hits suddenly and hard. Sana hadn’t really had morning sickness before, so it comes out of nowhere for them. Mina and Jihyo are accommodating, giving Sana any time off she needs. Nayeon isn’t able to take care of her much because of her internship, so Sana sometimes stays with Mina and Jihyo when she’s feeling particularly ill. They hadn’t changed anything in Sana’s room, so if she needs somewhere to lie down she will go into her old bed for a while. When Nayeon comes home and Sana’s not there, she knows she’s at Mina and Jihyo’s. She always goes to see her, and then they go home together later when Sana’s doing better. Mina and Jihyo always don’t let them leave without eating. 

One weekend, when Sana’s feeling okay, they decide to go to Nayeon’s parents' house. Nayeon knew she couldn’t put it off forever, so she decided to bite the bullet and go deal with it. 

“Nayeon… We didn’t think we would see you again.” Nayeon’s mother started the conversation. Her father was sitting across from her, refusing eye contact. Nayeon hadn’t seen them in years, and they both looked older than she remembered.

“Well… I realized I hadn’t said goodbye.” Nayeon was holding Sana’s hand under the table. “And that was wrong.”

“Ah, do you two want anything to drink? Some tea maybe?” There was a heavy atmosphere in the room, one Nayeon hadn’t been around in years.

“No… We don’t intend to stay for long.”

“Thank you for the offer though.” Sana finally speaks up.

“So what did you want?” Nayeon’s father asked, looking them both up and down. Nayeon tightened her grip on Sana’s hand.

“We just wanted to say goodbye. And Sana wanted to meet you.” Nayeon rolled her eyes.

“Oh, are you Nayeon’s girlfriend?” Nayeon’s mother sat across from them.

“No actually… I’m her wife. My name is Minatozaki Sana, but you can just call me Sana.” Sana politely smiled.

“You got married?” Nayeon nodded at her mother’s question.

“Aren’t you a little young for that?” Nayeon’s father commented.

“We may be young, but I really love Nayeon a lot.” Sana smiled at the two of them. “I love her so much… We’re actually going to be having a baby together.”

“A baby?” Nayeon’s mother asked. “You got her pregnant Nayeon?”

“Yes. I did.” Nayeon answered curtly.

“Sana, you seem like a perfectly nice person, so why would you want to have a baby with someone like Nayeon?” Nayeon’s father said spitefully. “She’s just a good for nothing dead beat. She doesn’t even have a job.”

“I have a paid internship.” Nayeon defended herself. “But that’s beside the point. That’s all we wanted to tell you. And we wanted to say goodbye, but that was it. Let’s go, Sana.”

“A-Alright.” Sana stood up, following Nayeon out. Just being in that house made Nayeon sick now. It reminded her of what she was like before she met Sana. She was so miserable back then, she even hated even thinking about how she was before. She was so happy now, with Sana and Nico. She didn’t want to be sad or upset, not around them. Though, she supposed it wasn’t possible for her to feel sad or upset when she had Sana around. 

They don’t talk about what happened at Nayeon’s parents' house. Nayeon appreciates it, the last thing she wanted to do was talk about it. Sana’s morning sickness just gets worse, and there are days where she can’t get out of bed. She tries to work, but Mina and Jihyo won’t let her on those days. One of them will come over to help Sana while Nayeon is at her internship. If it happened on the weekend, Nayeon would spend the entire day with her wife.

“Wipe that worried look off of your face. I’m okay.” Sana giggled as she watched Nayeon change clothes. She was laying in bed in her pajamas. Nayeon had guided her there after Sana had thrown up, telling her she had to lay down. “It’s just morning sickness. It’s a good thing actually. It means Nico is growing well.”

“Still… You know you aren’t normal…” Nayeon was changing so she could leave to get them some food. She would cook for Sana, but she was terrible at cooking.

“If you're referring to my health, I am perfectly fine. I don’t even have a fever. Morning sickness is completely normal in early pregnancy.” Sana rolled her eyes, wiggling around in their bed to get comfortable. “You, Mina Unnie, and Jihyo Unnie worry about me so much. I'm completely fine. You don’t need to worry.”

“I’m sorry baby, I know. We just want you to be okay.” Nayeon nodded, putting a shirt on.

“Well, I am. My doctor said I was doing well too.” Sana pouted from the bed, adjusting the blankets so she was completely under them. “So don’t worry about me.”

“Fine fine.” Nayeon laughed. “Any preference on what we eat?”

“I’m not hungry, so I don’t care,” Sana answered.

“Darling, you have to eat.” Nayeon sighed. “Not just for you, but for Nico too. They won’t grow if you don’t eat enough.”

“Fine.” Sana pouted. “Get something light then.”

“Alright, I can do that for you.” Nayeon smiled at her. “I’ll be back, alright?”

“Uh-hum. See you soon.” When Nayeon comes back, they eat in bed. Sana giggles and complains they are going to have to wash their sheets, but Nayeon is okay with that. She wanted Sana to lay down as much as possible. After finishing, they lay in bed together all day. 

Just as quickly as Sana’s morning sickness strikes, it goes away. At their next doctor’s appointment, he said it was slowing down now that Sana was starting her second trimester. Her stomach has started to become more noticeable, and more often than not Nayeon’s hands find their ways to it when they are cuddling. The doctor tells them that the baby’s ears have started developing and so they should start talking to it to familiarize her with their voices. 

“-And I love your Mama so much, just like I love you so much. Nico… Your mama may not think it yet… But she’s going to be the best mama in the world one day.” Nayeon finds Sana talking to the baby by herself when she had just gotten home from her internship. Sana hadn’t noticed she was back yet, but Nayeon decided to leave her for a second. Sana had the most beautiful motherly smile as she looked down at her slightly swollen stomach. “She’s a bit silly sometimes and she loves to tease mommy, but she loves her. And you. She loves you so much. She’s working hard right now so you can have the best when you are born. She will do anything for you. Mommy will too. We already love you so much. Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie already love you too. There are so many people that love you, and you haven’t even been born yet. We all can’t wait for you to be born so we can all meet you.” 

“Hey baby, I’m home.” Nayeon interrupted when Sana was done.

“Oh hey Nayeonie, welcome home.” Sana looked away from her stomach and smiled at her. “Nico was being active earlier so I thought I would talk to them. It seems to calm them down.”

“Ah, I see.” Nayeon giggled, sitting next to Sana on the couch. “You know, the doctor did say we could find out Nico’s gender during your next appointment.”

“I remember.” Sana sighed in contentment as Nayeon put her hands on her clothed stomach. She relaxed into the couch as her wife touched her stomach. “Do you want to find out? We can wait until Nico is born.”

“It won’t change anything. But yeah I suppose I am curious.” Nayeon nodded. “We could do a big gender reveal party if you want.”

“We’ve never really been party people.” Sana giggled.

“It doesn’t have to be big if you want. We could just invite Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Momo. I’m sure Mina Unnie and Jihyo Unnie would come too. Maybe we could just have everyone over for dinner and have like a cake or something. The filling could be the gender, I’ve seen people do that somewhere before.” Nayeon smiled at her wife, her hands still attached to Sana’s small baby bump.

“Well… We haven’t seen Dahyun and Chaeyoung in a while. I see Momo practically every day but the others… I suppose it’s a good idea. And I have been craving sweets lately.” Sana giggled.

“I know. I’m the one who brings them home for you.” Nayeon laughed with her. “So do you want to do it?”

“Sure.” Sana giggles. “I’ll pick some stuff up from the grocery store when I go tomorrow. Oh, but I can’t make a cake without knowing the gender, which sort of defeats the purpose.”

“Well, we could go to a cake shop or something. Though that might be a little expensive…” Nayeon trailed off.

“Hm… Well, maybe we can ask someone else to make it.” Sana suggested, snuggling closer to Nayeon.

“Does Mina Unnie like making cakes? She seems like she would.”

“Oh, she absolutely loves it.” Sana laughed. “She’s made all of my birthday cakes for as long as I can remember. Jihyo Unnie’s too. And she already told me she wants to make all of Nico’s too. She wanted to sell cake at the bakery but she decided it was too much work on top of the bread.”

“I see.” Nayeon laughed. “It’s nice to know Nico’s birthday cakes are already planned out.”

“Mina Unnie has a lot of things planned out for Nico. Birthdays cakes, scarves, mittens, Mina Unnie already said she will take care of all of that stuff. She even said she would make Nico a baby blanket.” Sana shifted closer to Nayeon, putting her hands over hers.

“That’s sweet. Mina Unnie is really nice. We’re lucky to have her.” Nayeon stroked Sana’s stomach. She could feel Nico moving under her palm. Nayeon couldn’t feel much yet, but she could feel their baby wiggle around. 

“We are.” Sana beamed at her. “So when should we have the party?”

“I suppose we can just ask when everyone’s free and work from there. I should be free on the weekends.” Nayeon nodded.

“Oh alright sounds good.” Sana moved Nayeon’s hands away from her stomach. “Stop riling Nico up, I need to make dinner and I can’t focus on cooking when Nico’s super active.”

“Okay okay. Let me help you.” Nayeon insisted, moving her hand away from Sana’s stomach.

“Alright sure.” Sana smiled at her. “Can you help me off the couch? I’m not great at it anymore.”

“Of course darling.”

Next week, Mina comes with them to their appointment. The doctor slides her a slip of paper with the baby’s gender written down and Mina promises not to show it to anyone else. They text their friends and Nayeon finds a time that works for all of them to have a small dinner party. Mina and Jihyo offered their house for the party since they had a bit more space. They end up agreeing after realizing that there was no way they could fit five extra people in their tiny apartment living room. They do the party on a Sunday, so Nayeon doesn’t have a conflict with her internship. They go over to Mina and Jihyo’s in the early afternoon to help set up, but Mina makes them stay upstairs while she was making the cake. 

“Do you still have a preference?” Nayeon asked as she held Sana tighter to herself. They were cuddling in Sana’s old bedroom, waiting for the laundry they brought over to finish.

“Hm?” Sana asked.

“You told me once that you had a preference for Nico’s gender,” Nayeon explained. “But you wouldn’t tell me what it was.” 

“Oh, I remember.” Sana giggled, shifting back into Nayeon. “Yes, I still have a preference. But I will be happy either way. All that matters is that Nico is healthy and growing well.”

“Well, will you tell me your preference?”

“No. If I say it out loud it will never come true.” Sana giggled at Nayeon’s pout. “It doesn’t really matter in the end.” 

“I know, I know.” Nayeon sighed. “I think Nico is a boy.”

“Really now?” Sana giggled as Nayeon’s hands brushed her sides. “A boy?”

“Uh-hum. I don’t know why… Call it mama’s intuition.” Nayeon smiled at Sana while moving one hand to her stomach.

“I’m not sure how accurate mama’s intuition is.” Sana laughed.

“Well, what do you think Nico is?” Nayeon asked. “The mother is right more than half the time.”

“I’m not saying.” Sana smiled at her.

“Come on. You have to at least have a guess right?” Nayeon whined as Sana peppered kisses to her cheeks. She had gotten used to Sana raining kisses on her constantly, she actually enjoyed it. Her wife loved to show her affection for Nayeon and Nayeon loved constantly being reminded that Sana loved her just as much as she loved Sana.

“I think Nico is… Well Nico.” Sana giggled, kissing the tip of Nayeon’s nose. “We are going to love her regardless.”

“Her?” Nayeon laughed. “Do you want it to be a girl?”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I’m just saying Nico is a girl because you said Nico is a boy, this way one of us has to be right.” Sana giggled. 

“I suppose you're right about that. Let me up, I need to pee.” Nayeon pat Sana’s arm, trying to get her wife to move off of her.

“Nu-uh. Nico and I want cuddles.” Sana giggled, putting more of her weight on Nayeon.

“Come on baby I will be gone for like two minutes.” Nayeon tried to persuade. “I can give you cuddles when I get back.”

“Nu-uh. I’m the pregnant one.” Sana teased. “I’m going to be calling the shots. If you don’t like it you shouldn’t have gotten me pregnant.” Nayeon knew Sana was teasing her, and if she really asked she knew Sana would let her up, but her behavior was so adorable. Nayeon found herself not wanting to go anywhere, even the bathroom.

“Oh well, I suppose you are right.” Nayeon laughed. “But I got myself into this one, so I guess I need to listen.” Nayeon tightened her grip on Sana.

“That’s right,” Sana muttered, relaxing in Nayeon’s hold. “You don’t regret it though… Right?”

“Sana I will never regret it.” Nayeon kissed Sana’s cheek. “I love you and Nico more than anything in the world. I will never regret anything when it comes to the two of you.”

The party reminds Nayeon of the first dinner she ever had with Sana and her family. Of course, her friends are here this time, and they add a goofy atmosphere that wasn’t present before, but Nayeon still thinks it’s similar. At least, the feelings she gets are similar. It’s so warm and so loving. However, unlike that first dinner, Nayeon doesn’t feel like a stranger to it, she actually feels like she is a part of it. 

Later, after the party, when they kissed goodnight, Sana whispered an “I told you so” on Nayeon’s lips that had her smirking. Nayeon responded with a “Don’t get too cocky” before pulling her into a longer kiss. That night, Nayeon has a dream about what their baby, their Nico, their baby girl would look like. When she woke up before Sana, she couldn’t help but smile and put a hand on her wife’s stomach, leaning forward and kissing it, unable to contain how in love she was with both of these girls.

After that, things are a whirlwind. However, it’s an exciting whirlwind. Because everything was going so well they had absolutely nothing to complain about. Nayeon had her internship and Sana’s health was holding up nicely. Of course, everyone was worried about what would happen when the weather cooled down, but for now, both Sana and Nico seemed to be perfectly healthy. There were still weeks left of the warmth of late summer and early fall, so they had some time before Sana’s health became much of a concern. The future looked bright, and they were all looking forward to spending it together.

Of course, there was the issue of the baby needing stuff, a lot of stuff. They had already decided to spend most of their savings on baby stuff, but they never realized how much it was all really going to cost. Diapers, a stroller, a crib, and not to mention clothing all added up much quicker than they thought it would. Plus Nayeon had wanted to start a college fund for their baby now, as it would be easier the earlier they started it. After what her parents had pulled with hers, she was very passionate about their baby having a secure future, at least as much as they could provide. On top of all of this, there was the possibility in the back of both of their minds that their little one could have Sana’s illness. Sana’s mother had had the same illness as Sana, and they both realized that meant Nico could get it to. Of course both of them hoped more than anything that Nico wouldn’t have it, but they had to think of it as a possibility. And that would be expensive. They both agreed they would do absolutely anything for their baby to be healthy, but they were both worried about what they would do if Nico had the illness.

They didn’t start shopping for baby stuff until they found out Nico’s gender. It wasn’t like they had meant to wait that long, it’s just they had kind of forgotten about it and finding out they were having a girl had reminded them of that yes they had a baby on the way and it wasn’t going to be much longer now. Since Sana worked on Saturdays and Nayeon was too busy during the week, Sunday was their only time to go. Sana had been doing research on parenting and raising a baby while Nayeon was busy with work from her internship and preparing for the next semester of school, and she had made a list of things she thought they needed. Nayeon agreed with most of it, but there were some things on the list she was iffy about.

“Baby why do newborns even need shoes? She won’t be able to walk for months.” Nayeon giggled as her wife looked at baby shoes.

“Cause it’s cute.” Sana pouted, looking at a pair of tiny white sandals. “Look how small they are.” Sana cooed, picking them up and looking at them.

“But they are useless.” Nayeon laughed at how excited Sana looked. She had to admit, the tiny shoes were cute, but Sana’s expression was cuter. She wanted to kiss her.

“Just one pair.” Sana gave Nayeon the puppy dog eyes she knew Nayeon could never resist.

“I guess one is fine… It’s not like she will get them dirty or wear them down.” Nayeon sighed in defeat, knowing there was no way she could resist those eyes. Part of her was tempted to just grab another pair and put it in the cart, but she didn’t want to seem too whipped. Sana did have a point, she could imagine their tiny baby girl wearing these tiny shoes. Sana had picked out plenty of socks for Nico already, and most of them had adorable cartoon animal faces on them. They were so cute that Nayeon nearly died. She had always loved babies and children, but now that she was having her own it was like all of her love for kids was intensifying. Of course, she never expected it this early in her life but the more they shopped for stuff like this and the more they talked about it, the more excited Nayeon got.

“Thank you.” Sana giggled, kissing Nayeon’s cheek. “I’m going to make her the cutest baby out there.” Sana looked over their cart. There were two packages of diapers and some clothes, a lot of clothes. Mina had already told them that she had used some pink and white fabric with tiny bears on it for Nico’s baby blanket, so Sana had tried to get some stuff that would match it. Sana liked the super girly stuff, that was pink and frilly, but she had also gotten lots of other colors to keep Nico’s closet diverse. She got a couple of pastel blue and yellow onesies as well as some plain white ones. She and Nayeon had lots of fun with it, playfully arguing over each one. Nayeon never won though, she could never say no to Sana before and especially not now.

“I’m sure she will be.” Nayeon looked across the aisle to make sure there was no one else there before she wrapped her arms around Sana from behind, putting one hand on her baby bump. “The prettiest too.” 

“I can’t wait to see her. I know there’s still some time but I’m excited. Every time I read about holding her for the first time, or bathing her for the first time, or cuddling her, it makes me want her so bad. I know we still have a while but I’m so excited. I’m so curious about what she will look like. I bet she will look just like you.” Sana giggled, snuggling closer to Nayeon.

“We’ve been through this honey, I don’t want her to look like me. At least when she’s a baby.” Nayeon felt a tiny kick under her palm. She kissed Sana’s cheek, settling into the moment with her wife and unborn child. “We’ll find out soon.” 

“Your right. It won’t be much longer now.” Sana hummed, putting one hand over Nayeon’s. “Nico-ya… Mommy and Mama are so excited to see you soon. Be good until then okay sweetheart? We love you.” Nayeon gave Sana another kiss, gently swaying her wife in her arms. “You love her right mama?” Nayeon smiled widely at Sana, moving their bodies so she could give her a long kiss.

“I love her and her mommy more than anything in the world.” Nayeon felt like she was floating. She was so in love with Sana, and their baby. Things weren’t perfect, far from it, but Nayeon felt like they were. Nayeon had people she loved, and people that loved her. She had the home she had always craved as a child. Even if it was in the city that she hated, it was okay because she had them; Sana and Nico. Her family. Her home. For the first time, she felt like she was truly happy.

It wasn’t much later, that Nayeon would learn she had gotten too used to happiness.

It all starts one day when Nayeon had to stay late at her internship. She wasn’t too happy about it, but she texts Sana and tells her to stay at the bakery a bit later and that she will walk her home when she is done. Of course, Sana had walked home by herself many times, but now that she was well into her second trimester, Nayeon wanted to air a little more on the cautious side. Just to be safe. The first indicator she gets something is wrong is the lack of a text back. Sana always texts her back. Even if it’s just a single purple heart or a dumb meme, she always would send something back. The silence from her wife worries her, but it doesn’t completely freak her out. Sana’s phone had been acting up lately, there was a good chance it had just died and she just wasn’t able to answer Nayeon’s question. Mina or Jihyo hadn’t contacted her to say anything was wrong, so Nayeon tried to assure herself she was probably being paranoid. 

She isn’t able to leave until after nine pm that day. Nayeon knew she couldn’t complain, couldn’t ask to leave earlier, even if she wanted to. She was just an intern. She could be replaced very easily if the company wanted to. But Nayeon couldn’t afford to lose this opportunity. So she knew she had to keep her head down and do her work to the absolute best of her ability. Even if there is a little voice in the back of her head saying something was wrong. She has to ignore it and do her work, for all of their futures. 

When Nayeon is finally able to leave, the first thing she does is try to call Sana. She doesn’t answer, which does worry Nayeon a bit more. But again, there is the possibility that Sana's phone is dead. So she decides to call Mina and Jihyo. She knows that the two of them were smart enough to at least try to stop Sana from walking home by herself too late at night. The second indicator she gets some is wrong is when neither of them answers. After that, Nayeon is convinced something is wrong. In the years of knowing them, she knew at least Mina’s phone was always charged to at least fifty percent. So if Mina is not answering, then either she is very busy or something is very wrong. 

She rushed to the bakery, but when she got there the lights were turned off not only in the shop but in the house as well. Of course, the shop being closed up makes sense, it’s always closed around seven, but Nayeon knew Mina and Jihyo were typically awake around this time. Once determining no one was there, she goes back to her own apartment. She practically sprints the whole way there, and when she gets there she has to take a minute to catch her breath before going up the stairs to their unit. She can’t dig her keys out of her pocket fast enough, and she throws her shoes off as quickly as possible the second she’s inside.

The first thing she notices is that there are multiple sets of shoes there. Of course, there were hers and Sana’s, but there were three pairs that she knew didn’t belong to either of them. She recognized two of them as Mina and Jihyo’s, but the third one is unknown to her. The lights in the living room are turned off, but no one is in there. The door to the bedroom is open slightly, but not enough for Nayeon to see what was going on in there.

“Sana!” When Nayeon enters the bedroom, the first thing she sees is her wife in bed. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes are closed, and her breath is short. Nayeon could immediately tell she had a fever. She quickly finds Mina and Jihyo, who are both sitting off to the side with solemn looks on their faces. Sana’s doctor is next to them, holding his equipment in one hand. “What happened?” Nayeon could feel her heart beating quickly, panic gripping her quickly. What had happened to Sana while she was gone? Was she okay? What about the baby? Did they lose her? Terrible thoughts filled Nayeon’s head in the small amount of time it took the other three people in the room to answer. 

“She said she wasn’t feeling great this morning, but this afternoon while she was taking her lunch break, she collapsed,” Jihyo explained. Nayeon couldn’t believe it. She had been with Sana that morning. Her wife was fine that morning. She didn’t have any signs of a fever, or illness, or anything then.

“She is running a pretty high fever. I’m afraid her illness has relapsed a lot sooner than any of us expected it would.” The doctor explained. “Thankfully, the baby seems to be okay. Still, in a few days, I recommend going to make sure it is with an OBGYN.”

“We were going to bring her to the hospital, but when she woke up she insisted that we don’t unless something was wrong with the baby,” Mina added. 

“But-but it’s still warm outside. It’s August. It’s not cold. This is too early.” Nayeon could feel tears sting at the back of her eyes.

“A lot about Sana’s condition is unknown. Cooler weather has seemed to be the trigger her whole life, but no one ever said it was the only trigger.” The doctor nodded. “This could just be a flare-up, and she could be okay in a few days. I honestly don’t know. Then again, her last flare-up lasted for about five weeks, which could be fatal in her current state. But… And this is just a hunch of course, I think her pregnancy might have been the cause for this flare-up, and if it is, it will most certainly cause more.” Nayeon could feel her heart-shattering at the implications of what the doctor was saying. “Again, nothing is for certain, but I think the further she gets in this pregnancy, the more strain it’s going to cause her already fragile body. I had thought she would be able to handle the natural strain of pregnancy, but I have a terrible feeling I was wrong.”

“W-What are you saying?” Nayeon asked, still fighting to hold back tears. She couldn’t cry. Not yet. Not until she heard what the doctor was trying to tell her.

“I’m saying there will very likely be more complications in this pregnancy than originally predicted. And I’m afraid that her labor will just be worse. Of course, Sana’s illness likely won’t actually affect the baby’s growth or development, but it will place a lot of additional strain on her body that could hurt her and possibly the child too.” The doctor sighed, looking over at Sana once more. “There is a very real possibility both of them won’t make it out of this. One of them may be able to, but I very strongly believe with the evidence we have now that only one of them will be able to get through the labor. I suggest you start preparing yourself for the decision of which one is going to make it through Mrs. Im.” Everything he said after that fell on deaf ears as tears rushed down Nayeon’s cheeks.

Nayeon couldn’t listen to him anymore. She couldn’t listen to anyone anymore. She felt like her heart was shattering right there, on the floor of their bedroom while she held Sana’s hand and cried. Pick one? She would have to pick one of them? She couldn’t. She couldn’t do that. She loved them both so much, they were both her entire world. The thought of losing even one of them completely crushed her. Because who was she supposed to pick, her wife or her child? Nayeon could not and refused to make that decision.

She doesn’t quite know how it happens, but eventually, she’s left with just Jihyo and Sana. She hadn’t even noticed the doctor or Mina leave, she was too distracted by everything going on in her brain. Eventually, it becomes too much work to keep crouching, so she crumples to the ground, letting go of Sana’s hand and curling into a ball on the floor. 

“Nayeon…” She can barely hear Jihyo as she comes up behind her. Jihyo sweeps her up into a huge hug, holding Nayeon like she was a child as she sobbed. Nayeon could tell Jihyo was crying too, but she seemed like she was trying to be strong, at least for Nayeon. “Nayeon, it’s going to be okay- the doctor said it was hypothetical.” Neither of them believed her statement. 

“N-No it’s not!” Nayeon sobbed. “It’s so fucking unfair Jihyo. Why her? Why them?” Nayeon sobbed, shaking in Jihyo’s arms.

“I-I don’t know.” Jihyo cried, holding Nayeon tighter. “I don’t know baby. But it’s not fair.”

“I-I can’t choose. How am I supposed to pick?” Nayeon couldn’t stop crying if she wanted to. All of her emotions were spilling over and her brain couldn’t even take a second to process everything going on around her, let alone slow down long enough for her to catch her breath. She felt like she could barely breathe. Like the entire world was caving in on her. It was so unfair. Why couldn’t she be happy? Was it some kind of punishment? What did she do to deserve this? What did Sana and Nico do to deserve a fate as awful as that?

“I don’t know.” Jihyo's voice was shaky as she tried to focus on Nayeon. 

“Why couldn’t it be me?” Nayeon would gladly sacrifice herself for the two of them. She wouldn’t even have a second thought as she was doing it. But, there was nothing she could do. Nothing she could do but curl up in a ball and cry about how unfair it was. And that was arguably the worst part of all of this. “I would so gladly give myself up for the two of them- why can’t I do that?”

“I-I know how you feel but-”

“No, you don’t!” Nayeon screamed, interrupting Jihyo. “You aren’t losing- you won’t lose your wife or child! You don’t have to make that decision! You have no fucking clue what I feel like!” Jihyo stayed silent at that, holding Nayeon a bit closer and letting her sob until she practically passed out. Jihyo then helped her to bed next to Sana, making sure both of them were comfortable and kissing Sana’s forehead before leaving to get them both some water for the next time they woke up. Jihyo slept on their tiny uncomfortable couch that night, too afraid to leave them both alone; and, to give both herself and her wife some space to figure out their feelings.

When her head was a bit more clear, Nayeon would regret how she handled things. She should have been better to Jihyo because she wasn’t the only one faced with the possibility of losing two people precious to her. Sana was basically Jihyo’s daughter, she knew the older woman thought of her as such; and Nico captured all of their hearts long ago, she was basically Jihyo’s granddaughter. Jihyo cared for both Sana and Nico a lot too, and Nayeon was sure the news that they would likely lose one of them likely crushed her too. She knew it crushed Mina. Nayeon had only seen her do it once, but when Mina was really really upset she absolutely had to be alone. She couldn’t even be around Jihyo when she was like that. She needed some time by herself to sort through her own emotions and calm down before she could go back and seek comfort from her wife and Sana. 

Mina didn’t come back for multiple days. Jihyo had been staying with them to take care of Sana and to give her wife some space, but Nayeon could tell she was worried about her. Nayeon really struggled those few days, and she took it out on Jihyo. The older woman was always patient with her, and when Nayeon would apologize for being so terrible Jihyo would whisper it was okay and that she didn’t mind. Sana wakes up a few times but is too feverish to really process anything, so they don’t tell her about the grim prediction the doctor had made. The doctor doesn’t bring it up when he comes to check on Sana every day, just telling them she was doing better than the day before despite the fact everyone knew he was lying. 

Nayeon is at a complete loss at what to do. She had no one to turn to, no one to ask what decision to make. She couldn’t do it. She really couldn’t pick one or the other. Maybe, a few months ago, it would have been a little easier to give up Nico, but now, now Nayeon could not even fathom that idea. Nico was her daughter. She loved her more than herself and more than anything Nayeon just wanted to hold her in her arms. She didn’t want to let her go. But at the same time, Sana was her everything. She couldn’t just sit back and watch her die. The weight of having to make a decision between the two of them plus the mental anguish of the fact she was completely worthless in this scenario, absolutely crushed Nayeon. 

She still went to her internship, but it’s like she’s in a daze. She does her work, with her head down and mind focused on nothing but the work in front of her. Her co-workers, whom she had become pleasantly acquainted with, stopped trying to talk to her after a few days. She didn’t want to talk to them. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. Of course, around Sana she’s able to put on a fake smile and pretend like everything's okay, but the moment Nayeon is left alone with her thoughts she completely breaks down. She doesn’t want to do this. She can’t do this.

Jihyo and Mina both practically move into their small apartment to help out. They take care of Sana for her while she’s at her internship, they do all the cooking and cleaning, and they force Nayeon to take care of herself. She appreciates it, even if she isn’t able to say it. She wasn’t sure what she would do without them. She knows the weight of the situation is hurting them both two, and she admires their ability to be able to pretend like everything is okay and their world isn’t on the brink of completely collapsing. 

On the weekends, she either spent her entire time with Sana or helping Mina and Jihyo with the housework. It was the least she could do for the two of them. They had stepped up so much, despite the fact they themselves were in tremendous amounts of pain just like Nayeon was. She truly felt bad when she snapped at them because they didn’t deserve that. Nayeon just couldn't help herself. It was like her mouth and her brain were completely disconnected sometimes and it frustrated her so much. Mina and Jihyo were always so patient with her. Nayeon almost felt like she didn’t deserve their kindness. 

It was one day while helping Mina out with some chores that she realizes how hard this situation really is for the two of them. 

“How’s Sana this morning?” Mina had come over early that morning to get their laundry while Sana was still asleep. Nayeon had gone over to her and Jihyo’s house after a few hours to help fold the laundry and bring it back, leaving Sana with Jihyo for a bit.

“She’s… Okay.” Nayeon sighed. “She ate this morning.”

“That’s good.” Mina nodded. “I was worried about her not eating as much.”

“Her doctor talked to her about it yesterday. He mentioned that even if her appetite is smaller she needs to still be eating enough for her and the baby.” Nayeon nodded, folding some of Sana’s pajamas. Mina had a pile of baby clothes in front of her, and Nayoen was kind of secretly thankful Mina hadn’t made her fold the baby clothes and instead gave her the easier task of folding her and Sana’s clothes. Looking at the baby’s stuff used to make her happy, excited almost, but now that there was a possibility they would lose her, it made it a lot harder for Nayeon. It made her a bit uneasy being in the same room with it, touching it was out of the question. She knew once Mina was done they were just going to shove all of that stuff deep into a drawer to not be touched until they made a decision. 

“I’m glad…” Mina trailed off, folding the baby clothes in front of her slowly. “Hey Nayeon?”

“Hm?”

“Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone? Sana and Jihyo both included.” Nayeon was confused by Mina’s question. Something Mina hasn’t told Sana or Jihyo? She had never thought Mina was the type to keep secrets from the two closest people to her like that. “I-I just, it’s been on my mind recently with everything going on. I don’t know if me telling you this will help with your decision, but maybe it might, even just a little.”

“Okay.” Nayeon took a deep breath. Whatever it was, the look on Mina’s face portrayed to her this was something serious. Very serious. “But feel no pressure to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“It will probably be good for me to talk about this… It’s been so long.” Mina sighed, looking back down at the baby clothes. Nayeon thought she saw something flash across Mina’s face. Adoration? No that wasn’t it. Despair? No, it wasn’t that either. Jealousy? That sounded right. Jealousy. The ugliest emotion. “I- so when Sana was around ten Jihyo and I actually talked about it and decided to have a baby, a real one. Our own baby. Of course, we loved Sana still just as much, but it had been something the two of us had been talking about for years, some of them even before we started taking care of Sana. Sana was in a good place health-wise, and we had decided to try and line the due date up with early summer so Sana would be in okay health when the baby was born. However… However things clearly never worked out. Things changed.”

“W-What changed? If you don’t mind me asking.” Nayeon stuttered.

“Well… It’s kind of a long story. I’ll keep going. So after deciding to have a baby, we obviously started trying for one. And well, it didn’t go very well, at all. We had tried to line up the time perfectly so nine months away would be June or July, but it wasn’t working. We couldn’t conceive. It was so frustrating. So difficult. I felt like there was something wrong with me. Like it was my fault Jihyo and I couldn’t have a baby. As time went on, it only got more and more painful. We started to fight more and more. We were both frustrated and way off from our original plan and we both just felt like it was our fault. We tried to be normal in front of Sana, but she noticed. She has always been good at picking up on other's emotions, even when she was ten. One day she pulled me aside and demanded I tell her what was really going on. I didn’t tell her we were trying for a baby, we had agreed not to tell Sana anything until we actually conceived the baby, but I told her about how there was something that the two of us were trying to do and we couldn’t and how it was really frustrating for both of us. She had then, in probably the most ten year old way possible, asked why it was even worth it in the first place. She told us frustration wasn’t worth hurting our relationship and that we just needed to talk about things. I know that’s a pretty simple answer, but at the time I think it was what I needed to hear. Jihyo and I talked about things, and we decided all the pressure and stress was just making things harder for everyone, and that we were going to stop trying. We came to the agreement if a baby came along we would be happy but if it never happened, that it would be okay. Because we had each other and Sana, and that was enough.” Mina was still folding baby clothes, but she wasn’t doing it as quickly.

“B-But was it enough?” Nayeon asked, watching as Mina took a few deep breaths.

“Yes… I think it was. There’s more to the story though. Anyway, a few months later, Jihyo had to return to Korea for some family drama. Her grandmother was sick and was going to die, so Jihyo’s parents had asked her to come back to Korea until she passed away so she could spend some time with her. We couldn’t afford to close the bakery long enough for both of us to go, plus Sana was as sick as she usually was in January, so I stayed behind in Japan. She ended up staying in Korea for almost five weeks. It was hard to take care of Sana by myself and run the bakery, but I was okay with it. Jihyo needed to be in Korea, and Sana needed me to take care of her. It was during this time that I found out that I was pregnant. It was about a week before Jihyo was coming back, so I decided to wait and tell her until I could see her in person. But-but I didn’t make it that far. Sana wasn’t doing very well and wasn’t even able to keep any food down, so I had to be by her side constantly. When my stomach started hurting a bit, I had to ignore it. I couldn’t leave Sana’s side. When the pain got worse I rushed to the hospital, but it was too late.I should have listened to my body. Because that night I had a miscarriage. They told me that even if I had come in earlier they likely couldn’t have saved the baby, but I had a hard time believing that at the time. I do now though. I was only about five weeks pregnant, it was so early there was nothing anyone could do. I had barely even processed the fact I was pregnant myself. But now the baby was gone. The hospital then informed me that I was almost entirely infertile, and that the chances of me actually carrying a baby to full term were essentially nonexistent. After that… Well after that I was crushed. I had left Sana home alone when I had gone to the hospital, so her room was the first place I went when I got home. She was still asleep, but she was obviously not okay. She was so sick her breathing was shallow and she was covered in sweat. She looked absolutely miserable. And that night, I laid down next to her in her bed, held her in my arms, and I cried. I cried so much that my head hurt the next morning. I couldn’t-it felt like the world was ending. It was hard. I couldn’t even imagine where to go next. I wasn’t ever going to have my own baby and Sana was so terribly sick. I felt like if I let go of Sana, I would truly lose everything I cared about. But do you know what Sana did?”

“What?”

“She woke up. And she looked at me, with the most glassy eyes I’ve ever seen, and she told me ‘please don’t cry Mina Unnie, it makes me sad when you cry’ with the horasest voice possible. And then, when I started crying more, she started crying too. Crying nonstop. She wouldn’t stop, despite the fact I tried to cheer her up because I didn’t want her illness to get worse, she just wouldn’t stop crying. When I asked what was wrong she said she was just sad because I got hurt. And that because she loved me so much, she never wanted to see me sad. She told me that she loved me more than anyone in the whole world, even our parents and that she just wanted me to be happy. And even though I still felt terrible, and upset, I couldn’t help but feel moved. Sana loved me. She loved me so much. Even though I felt like a failure, this girl loved me so much it didn’t even matter. Of course, a part of me knew Jihyo felt the same, but being able to be with Sana and share that moment with her was a completely different experience. Sana and Jihyo were my entire world. And even if I was sad about the baby, I still had the two of them. I ended up never telling Jihyo about the miscarriage. Or Sana. I had been so upset, and felt so terrible after it, that I couldn’t make them go through that too. Of course, it still haunts me, even to this day, but, I still have Sana and I have Jihyo. And now I have you too.” Mina explained the whole story. Tears were obviously welled up in her eyes, but she held them back the best she could.

“I-I never knew.” Nayeon didn’t quite know what else to say. Mina had just told her something she had never told anyone else. And it was such a heavy secret too. “Thank you for sharing, did it feel better to talk about it?”

“It did actually. Of course, I’m not sure I’ll ever tell Jihyo or Sana. It was so long ago, and telling them wouldn’t really change anything that happened. But, telling you was nice. Now I’m not the only person who knows about this.” Mina forced herself to laugh. “When I found out Sana was pregnant, I was initially really worried. Miscarrying had hurt me so much. It still does. Even though it’s been so long, I still think about what happened all those years ago and how much it hurt. I was terrified the same thing would happen to her. She seemed so happy about the baby, and I didn’t want to see that happiness taken away from her. But, it didn’t. When she made it through the first trimester, it was like a breath of fresh air. Of course, miscarriages can happen at any time, but the first trimester is when they are the most common. After this, I felt like I was truly able to share in the excitement that the rest of you had towards the baby. And I was able to form an attachment to Nico. Sana... She’s my daughter. And Nico… She’s my granddaughter. Sure, neither of them are biologically those things, but I just- they are. I don’t want either of them to suffer. Jihyo feels the same. We can’t tell you what to do, no one can. This is a decision for both of you to make together. But, I just want you to know, I do know what it feels like to lose a child. And if you-if you decide to go down that route I will do everything in my power to help.” 

“Thank you.” Nayeon couldn’t help but bow to Mina. Her heart was so twisted, and she was holding back tears, but she really needed to thank Mina. Because even if she had no clue what she was going to do yet, Mina had helped her realize a few things that would be helpful in making her decision. “And… You should think about telling Jihyo about this. Of course, it will hurt, but I think it will help you get some closure.”

“Closure?” Mina scoffed at the notion.

“Trust me. I know you're afraid it will hurt her, but Jihyo is a strong person. She loved you more than anyone in the world. She will understand your feelings, and she will help you heal.” Nayeon explained. 

“You're probably right.” Mina sighed. “But the same can be said for you and Sana. You haven’t even told her yet.”

“I know.” Nayeon brushed her hair behind her ear. “And I will… Soon.”

“That’s all I can ask of you.”

Eventually, Sana starts to improve a little bit. She still isn’t able to move around much, but she’s conscious enough to hold proper conversations. They knew they had to tell her what the doctor said, but none of them were able to do it. None of them could do it.

“Yeonie…” Nayeon hummed as she gathered Sana’s dishes. Her wife was still in their bed, propped up with some pillows and a book. She had just finished eating dinner, and Nayeon had eaten a bit with her. However, Nayeon’s appetite had not been great lately, she was too stressed out to eat, so she hadn’t really eaten as much as her wife.

“Yes? Do you need anything else?” Nayeon didn’t look up at Sana, just gathering the dishes. She had to pretend everything was okay. She had to.

“Can you just stop it?” Sana let out an exasperated sigh, one that left Nayeon with shaky hands as she nearly dropped the glass she was holding. 

“Stop what?”

“Stop pretending everything is perfect.” Nayeon finally looks up at Sana. She had a serious look on her face, one that Nayeon hadn’t seen often. Sana’s gaze made Nayeon feel like she was looking at Nayeon’s very soul. She shouldn’t be surprised Sana had noticed something was wrong. Sana was her wife. She knew Nayeon better than anyone else in the entire world.

“W-what do you mean?” Nayeon stuttered.

“Just stop it please Yeonie,” Sana begged. “I know… I know the doctor said we might have to pick between Nico and me.” 

“W-What are you-”

“Yeonie... I know.” Sana nodded. “He told me yesterday.” Nayeon was almost mad at the doctor for that. She was going to tell Sana, eventually. She just hadn’t built up quite enough courage to face her wife yet. “I made him tell me. All three of you have been acting so… Weird lately. You were all dancing around the subject and it was driving me crazy. I needed to know Nayeon. I deserved to know.” Sana sighed, putting her bookmark in and looking at Nayeon. “And I would like you to know I have already made a decision. I know we should talk about it, but I’m going to be firm in my stance, no matter what you say.”

“Sana…”

“Yeonie I love you so much. And, I love Nico so much too. I can’t- I can’t lose her Yeonie.” Tears filled Sana’s eyes as her firm front melted in front of Nayeon. “I can’t. And because of that, I’m going to be firm in my decision that if it comes down to it, we should pick her.”

“What- but Sana-”

“I’m sorry Nayeon. I really do love you more than anything and this is not your fault or anything and I want to be here with you and Nico and have a future together, but Nico… Nico, she's my baby. I can’t rob her of a future. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. I want you to pick her. I need you to pick her. I know it’s hard… Believe me I know, but you have to pick her. Sana was practically begging her, one hand on her baby bump as she pleaded. “Please… Just save our baby Nayeon.”

“You can’t just… You can't just say that.” Nayeon balled her fists up on the white comforter. “You can’t just leave me behind.” Nayeon had to choke back tears, unable to look Sana in the eyes. She could not imagine her life without Sana. She didn’t want to. Sana was the love of her life. Her soulmate. She could not lose her, she just couldn’t. 

“I don’t want to Yeonie…” Sana sniffled, tears rolling down her cheeks. She grabbed Nayeon’s tight fists and unballed them, holding them both gently.“But-but Nico needs you. You have to promise me that you will be good to her.”

“Sana I-”

“Yeonie please.” More tears rolled down Sana’s cheeks as she squeezed Nayeon’s hand. “I-I don’t want to die. B-But if it has to be done… If it has to be done I will do it. You just have to promise me you will do your best for her. Please just promise me.” Sana was sobbing, her shoulders shaking and her face flushed. Nayeon knew this was hard for her too. And a part of her really wasn’t surprised by Sana’s insistence to save their baby, but it didn’t really make this any easier.

“I- okay,” Nayeon whispered, moving her hands to hold Sana’s and squeezing them. “I will do my best… I promise.”

“Thank you.” Sana sobbed. “I just want her to be happy and have a good life. I will give up anything for that. And if I have to d-die- then so be it.”

“I know. You're a really good mom Sana.” Nayeon squeezed Sana’s hands. “B-But you have to be strong for me okay? The doctor said nothing is for certain- and it’s pretty likely you could both be okay.”

“I want that Nayeon… I really do.” Nayeon was finally able to see Sana’s face. She had the saddest, but most determined, expression Nayeon had ever seen. She understood what her wife was feeling. Was she in Sana’s position, she would definitely pick the same thing. It was still difficult though. “I will do my best. But-but if something does happen, please love her twice as much for me.”

“Baby you can’t love someone twice as much if you already love them an infinite amount.” Nayeon giggled, lightening the dark mood. Sana cracked a smile at that, squeezing her hand again. 

“Cheesy.” Sana giggled. “Make sure to give her plenty of kisses from me, and hugs too. Oh and tell her I love her and that I’m proud of her and-”

“Babe, please… Let’s talk about this later.” Nayeon nodded, unable to take the emotional weight of what Sana was trying to convey. She couldn’t hear anymore, not yet. They could cross that bridge when they got there.

“Okay.” Sana nodded.

“Thank you.” Nayeon leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Is there anything I can get you? Besides a tissue.” 

“Hm… I am still a little hungry… A snack maybe?” Sana asked, thinking aloud. Nayeon grabbed a tissue and handed it to her, Sana quickly blowing her nose.

“Baby if you were still hungry, why didn’t you finish your food earlier?” Nayeon laughed.

“Cause I wasn’t hungry then.” Sana pouted, looking at Nayeon with the softest eyes. Nayeon couldn’t help but go soft for her wife. She couldn’t help it. Sana was absolutely adorable. “Please?”

“Okay. What do you want?” Nayeon sighed in defeat. 

“Fried rice.” Sana smiled at her.

“Fine fine. I can ask Mina to make some for you. Any preference on what goes in it?” Nayeon gave Sana another kiss on the forehead.

“Hm… Some kimchi fried rice?” Sana asked. “With an egg. A fried one.”

“Kimchi fried rice with an egg… Sounds doable.” Nayeon smiled at Sana, kissing both of her hands.

“Thank you.” Sana smiled at her. “I love you.” Sana cheekily said, giving her a little wink.

“Yeah yeah.” Nayeon rolled her eyes at Sana’s cheekiness. “I love you too.”

Sana only gets better over the next few weeks. Of course, she isn’t at one hundred percent, but she is able to get out of bed for short periods of time to shower and go to the bathroom. Sana’s doctor tells them that if she continues at the rate of improvement she’s at, then she should be well enough by the time her labor rolls around. It was encouraging to both of them, but they knew they had to keep the worst-case scenario in the back of their minds. However, her improvement is only temporary, and her condition tends to fluctuate wildly depending on the day. Nayeon isn’t shocked by this, this was how Sana’s illness tended to treat her when it was bad. 

Nayeon’s internship ends a few days before her school starts, so she has little free time between the two. The small amount of time she has is spent with Sana. Sana tried to ask her if she wanted to do something more fun than sitting at home during her break, but Nayeon just nods at her and says there’s nowhere she would rather be than right here with her. Once school starts, her schedule is a little bit better. She spends the time between her classes at the library working on her thesis and doing homework. This way, she is able to spend all of her time with Sana when she goes home. She tries to spend as much time with her wife as possible. She didn't like being separated from her for very long, it made her too anxious.

Mina and Jihyo are still helping out with a lot. Nayeon is pretty useless at cooking so Mina does most of it for them, and Jihyo is always taking care of Sana when Nayeon is away. They still pay Sana, saying that they viewed this as a paid leave. They had both tried to refuse, but since both of them weren’t working, they really did need the money. Occasionally, their friends will visit them. Usually, it’s one at a time though, since Sana isn’t really ready for that many visitors. Nayeon and Sana are thankful to see them, even if it’s not often. It helps a lot in keeping them positive and from thinking about the worst too much.

Of course, thoughts about the worst-case scenario are still on their minds. Sometimes, they would just lay in bed together, Sana’s head on Nayeon’s chest while they both sat silently thinking about the future. Thoughts of the future used to make them both happy, but now it’s much more uncertain. Mina and Jihyo start to take care of baby stuff where they left off. Sana was too physically weak to work on it and Nayeon wasn’t sure she was ready to. There was still the weight of the possibility of losing Sana on her mind, and she knew building a crib or clothes shopping would just remind her of it. Mina and Jihyo are understanding and are happy to do the work for them. Nayeon is barely able to register the fact they had a crib let alone that it was assembled in her living room. She has too much on her mind for that. So even if it made her seem like a terrible parent, she had to leave that stuff to Mina and Jihyo. For everyone’s sake.

Sana still talks to Nico, but Nayeon can see the sadness on her face. It wasn’t there before, and Nayeon absolutely hated it. All talks about Nico just became increasingly bittersweet, especially between the two of them. And they could tell it was affecting their relationship, but they don’t know what to do about it. Sana had made her choice, and Nayeon was respecting it. Even if the thought of it tore her to pieces, she had to accept it. It would kill Sana if she lived and Nico didn’t, Nayeon knew this. But, it still didn’t make it any easier. Sometimes, when she thought Sana was asleep, she would cry. Cry about how frustrating the situation was and about how little she could do and how painful it would be to lose either one of them. Sana tended to let her be if she noticed, but sometimes she would wake up and hug Nayeon tightly, whispering an “I’m so sorry” in her ear. Sana would cry about things too, but usually when Nayeon was away. Usually, Jihyo would be there to hold her and whisper how everything was okay, even though all of them knew it wasn’t. She would sometimes tell Nayeon about Sana’s emotional outbursts because she was concerned about Sana, but Nayeon knew Sana didn’t want her to know about that. The few times she did bring it up, Sana always got defensive and tried to change the subject. Nayeon understood why she was like that, she felt the same. Neither wanted to show the other how much the situation tore both of them up inside. They both had to pretend like things were okay for the others sake. 

The weather cools down faster than anyone had expected. By Nayeon’s birthday, it already feels like late fall. Which was weird, because usually her birthday was accompanied by warm weather and sunny skies. Nayeon hates it. She doesn’t do much for her birthday, she doesn’t want to. On account of the cooler weather, Sana’s condition had worsened again. She wasn’t able to get out of bed alone anymore and Nayeon had to more or less carry her to the bathroom. Because of this, she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of her birthday. She doesn’t even remind Sana about it, she really didn’t want her wife to push herself by doing something. Sana still remembers though, and she gives Nayeon a lot of birthday kisses and the promise that the next one will be spent with their baby. Nayeon notices how Sana doesn’t include herself in the promise, but she doesn’t comment. Mina and Jihyo give her some money as a birthday gift, practically forcing Nayeon to take it despite the fact she doesn’t want to. She hates the fact she isn’t working, but she can’t. Not with Sana in such a fragile condition. She already left her so much for school, she couldn’t add anything else to that. 

After Nayeon’s birthday, the weather just keeps getting colder. It’s unusual, to say the least. Many experts say it’s the coldest fall they’ve ever experienced, and that it was going to lead into a colder than average winter as well. They very rarely see much substantial snow, but the weather gets cold enough that there are predictions it might fall as early as mid-October. Sana always comments on how weird the weather is, and Nayeon always agrees. It was unusual. And Nayeon hated it. She hated how sick it made Sana, how much pain she was in. Nayeon wanted nothing more than for the cold weather to just simply go away. She wanted a lot of things to just simply go away.

Sana just gets worse and worse as time goes on, and the doctor tells them he is worried about her going into an early labor considering how bad a shape her body was in. He informs them it might be for the best to look into her staying in the hospital for the entire last month of her pregnancy. They all agree that’s a good idea, even if Sana hated hospitals they needed to be prepared. When they tell Sana, she doesn’t seem to be very mad, agreeing it was probably the correct call given the current circumstances with her health. Nayeon can tell she doesn’t sound too thrilled by the concept, but she also knows Sana will do anything for Nico to be healthy, and if spending extended periods of time in the hospital were what she needed she would do it.

Nayeon becomes busier and busier with school, but she tries to hurry through it as much as possible. Sana is much more important to her at the moment than her schoolwork. However, she knows she can’t neglect it, since Sana had given up so much for her to have this opportunity she needed to cherish it. Even if every bone in her body was saying to just look after Sana, she had to work hard in school. She spends every spare moment of her time with Sana. If their time together really is limited, Nayeon wants to spend every possible second with her lover.

Every day when she comes home, Sana greets her with a smile and an adorable “how was your day baby?” She always puts on such a happy smile in front of Nayeon, but Nayeon knows she’s faking it. Because her “It was good, but I missed you” is faked too. They spend a lot of time cuddled together, both of them just holding each other as tight as they can. Neither wants to let go, too afraid to lose the other. It was funny, pregnancy was supposed to be this exciting time of new beginnings and love, but neither of them felt like that. It was more bittersweet and scary than anything else. Neither knew what the future held, and that scared them.

Nayeon hates pretending like everything's okay. It makes her sick to her stomach. But, she knows she has to. She knows she has to because Sana was already suffering enough. She couldn’t add anything more to her wife’s pain. She had to be strong for Sana, even if it felt like she was slowly dying. Sana tries to be strong for her too, but Sana had always been the more emotional between the two. Sometimes, she wouldn’t be able to hold back her strong emotions, especially due to her pregnancy. And because of that, she let them slip more often.

One day, Nayeon comes home to Sana crying. 

Jihyo was at the store, so Sana and Nayeon were the only two in their apartment at the time. Nayeon had tried to be quiet on her way in, just in case Sana was sleeping. She found the door to their bedroom slightly open, with Sana laying in their bed in a different set of pajamas than Nayeon remembers her wearing than before.

“-And-and behave for Mama, okay? She will be really sad without mommy, so please try to be your best for her. Mommy really wants to see you Nico… She wants to hug you and kiss you and shower you with all the love in the world. But-but there’s a good chance mommy won’t get that opportunity.” Sana sniffled, one hand rubbing her stomach. “And that makes mommy really really sad. But it’s okay. Because she’s doing it for you. She just wants you to be happy and healthy, even if it means mommy has to get hurt a little bit. I’m so sorry I will never get to meet you. I love you so much, Nico.” Sana was sobbing while she talked, and Nayeon could practically feel her heart-shattering. It hurt to just watch.

“Baby?” Nayeon couldn’t let Sana cry alone anymore. It hurt her too much to see it.

“Oh-oh Yeonie welcome home.” Sana sniffled, forcing a smile on her face and wiping her tears. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” Nayeon answered quickly. “How are you?”

“Well, Nico has been really active today and I think she might be a little anxious. She usually doesn’t kick me too much, but today she has been-”

“Sana.” Nayeon interrupted. “I asked how you were.” Tears returned to Sana’s eyes at the statement.

“Y-You know how many hormones are. Sorry.” Nayeon wrapped her arms around Sana, holding her tightly.

“Don’t,” Nayeon whispered. “Don’t say sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say. Sana was in so much pain, and she was too. She decided just holding her wife would have to be enough for now. She poured all of her emotions and love into the hug, which caused Sana’s sobbing to only get worse. She held tightly onto Nayeon’s shirt, shaking in her arms as she cried. Nayeon rubbed her back for her and peppered kisses to her cheeks, but that was all she could think of to do.

After crying, Sana falls asleep. No more words are exchanged, neither knew what to say to the other. Instead Nayeon kisses her forehead and tucks her in, making sure she was in the position the doctor had recommended for her to sleep in. Nayeon leaves her to go meet Mina and Jihyo in the living room, telling them Sana needed some space and a nap and to put the food they made for her in the refrigerator for later. Neither asked too many questions, both just smiling and saying that was fine before presenting Nayeon with her food. After dinner, Nayeon finishes up some work, the tv turned on as white noise while she worked. When she briefly looked up out of boredom, she noticed that snow was predicted for the next week. She couldn’t believe it, it was just October. There was no way they were getting snow yet. No way.

But, a week later she was proven wrong. However, Nayeon isn’t able to appreciate the miracle of snow in October due to what happened the day it started snowing.

The doctor had said Sana would likely go into an early labor, but none of them could predict how early it actually was. Nayeon had left for class that morning, and everything seemed fine. Normal even. But in the break between her classes, she was getting frantic calls from both Mina and Jihyo. She is a bit confused, but considering the fact they were watching Sana, she knew immediately to be concerned. 

Labor. Sana had gone into labor during lunch. It was almost exactly eight weeks early, Nayeon could have never thought that was even possible.

Nayeon became more panicked than she had ever been in her life, gathering her stuff as quickly as possible and practically sprinting out of her university. The walk home had never felt slower as Nayeon ran through the freezing streets of Seoul. The entire morning had been cold, but it seemed to just be getting colder throughout the day. There was a layer of ice on the ground, and Nayeon could just tell it was about to snow.

Sana’s health had not been good the past few days leading up to that one. Her fevers had been higher than Nayeon had seen them, and they had decided to take Sana to the hospital that next week, seven weeks early instead of four like they had planned originally. She could barely wake up anymore, and most of her meals were through IV. She was in no condition for added strain. But, now there was that strain, and Nayeon had no clue what they were going to do about it. 

It feels like forever, but when she finally gets there, she sprints into their apartment, paying her shoes almost no mind as she threw them to the side. Sana, Mina, and Jihyo are in the bedroom, and Nayeon can tell Sana has only gotten worse than she had been a few hours ago.

Mina was behind Sana, holding one of her hands and trying to calm her down with kisses and cuddles. Jihyo was off to the side, holding Sana’s other hand in a death grip with the most worried look Nayeon had ever seen on her face.

“Let’s go to the hospital.” Nayeon panted, out of breath from her run.

“We agree, but the roads are frozen over. Most of them are closed. We called an ambulance but it hasn’t gotten here yet.” Mina informed. Nayeon could tell she was trying to be the calm one, and that it was driving her crazy.

“They better hurry up…” Jihyo muttered, squeezing Sana’s hand tighter. Sana let out the most pained groan Nayeon had ever heard from her and Nayeon was immediately at her side. Sana’s eyes were screwed shut and her forehead was already sweaty. She looked absolutely miserable, and Nayeon hated she couldn’t do anything about it.

“Have you called her doctor to tell him?” Nayeon asked, brushing Sana’s matted hair out of her sweaty face.

“He said he will meet us at the hospital and will assist with the delivery by taking care of Sana,” Mina explained. 

“MM… Mina Unnie?” Sana muttered, opening her eyes after the groaning stopped. “And Nayeonie.”

“Hi Satang, I’m home.” Tears came to Sana’s eyes and Nayeon could feel the pain dripping off of Sana.

“Yeonie… It hurts.” Sana whined. 

“I know baby. I’m sorry.” Nayeon muttered, brushing more of Sana’s hair out of her face.

“Yeonie I’m scared.” Sana cried, holding tighter onto Jihyo. “I’m so scared.”

“Yeah me too. But it’s okay. We have to be okay.” Nayeon felt tears well up in her own eyes at her wife’s display of emotion. “For Nico.”

“For Nico…” Sana trailed off. “We will do anything for Nico.”

“Absolutely anything.” Another grunt of pain left Sana a few moments later, and all of them tensed again. Sana’s eyes closed and her consciousness faded due to the pain, but by the end of her contraction, she was conscious again. Sana faded in and out of consciousness as time went on. It was like torture for Nayeon. Her own personal form of torture that she just had to endure.

If asked to pick the absolute punishment she could ever receive, she was sure it was this. Watching the love of her life fade in and out of consciousness with no ability to help. 

The ambulance finally arrives almost half an hour later. Mina goes to greet them and they help get Sana downstairs and outside. Nayeon rides with her in the ambulance while Mina and Jihyo call for a cab and promise to meet them there. 

During the ambulance ride, Nayeon isn’t allowed to do much. She’s pretty much just left to hold Sana’s hand while the paramedics did the rest. Nayeon was barely focusing at all on what was happening, she couldn’t. She was so scared of what was going to happen next. So scared of losing Sana. So scared of losing Nico. 

When they get to the hospital Sana is rushed inside. Nayeon feels like a child rushing to keep up with the hospital staff, but she is told to wait outside for a bit at first. She paces up and down the lobby, anxiously biting at her nails and glaring at the time. She was supposed to be in class right then, but there was no way. She had to be here, for Sana and for herself. 

Mina and Jihyo arrive a decent amount of time after them. Nothing has changed in Sana’s condition, so all three are forced to wait outside while God knows what is happening inside Sana’s hospital room. None of the three of them are able to talk, just left to sit there in agony and pain as they waited. 

It seemed like forever, but after a while, they were allowed to see Sana. Nayeon is sent in first and asked if she was going to stay with her wife through the whole labor. Nayeon immediately says yes, because where else was she going to be. She had to stay with Sana. She had to.

When she finds her, Sana is connected to a lot of machines. The doctors tell her that even if a C-section would be safer for the mother, it would be much less safe for the baby. Since she was so premature, they informed her that there was a good chance a c section would kill the baby. And they informed her that Sana had opted out of the c section before they had put her on heavy pain medicine and fever reducers to try and calm her body down. Nayeon crumbles at the sight, holding Sana’s hand tightly. Sana wakes up at that, looking at Nayeon with glassy eyes.

“Yeonie?”

“Hey baby. I’m back.” Nayeon muttered, kissing Sana’s fingers.

“Good,” Sana muttered, her voice raspy. “Hey, look it’s snowing!” Sana was still somehow able to sound excited as she turned her head to the outside window. Nayeon hadn’t even noticed it was snowing until that moment. 

“Kind of weird for October.” Nayeon forced herself to laugh.

“It’s almost November,” Sana argued. “Just a few days- Ah!” Sana was interrupted by a contraction, her tone rising in pitch as she squeezed Nayeon’s hand.

“Just breathe,” Nayeon muttered, kissing Sana’s fingers as Sana squeezed her hand as tightly as she could. “You're doing good.” After the contraction Sana was out of breath, panting while Nayeon kissed her arm. After that, words aren’t exchanged. Sana was too focused on the contractions and Nayeon is too focused on Sana. Mina and Jihyo come in after a while, and whisper to Nayeon she’s needed outside the room. Nayeon doesn’t want to leave Sana, but they whisper it’s important, so she goes. Sana’s doctor is waiting for her there, a sad look on his face.

“You probably know what’s going to happen next....” He trailed off. “Have you made a decision?”

“We have.” Nayeon sighed. “The baby.” The doctor nodded at that. Of course, it didn’t feel like the right decision, but neither decision really felt right to Nayeon. If Sana wanted her to choose the baby, then she would choose the baby. 

“Alright.” The doctor nodded. “But you understand this means you could lose your wife, right?”

“I’m aware.” Nayeon nodded. “But- It’s a risk I’m going to have to take.” The doctor nods at that, before telling her she can go back into Sana’s room. Mina and Jihyo are there, both of them trying to tell Sana how good she’s doing and how proud of her they are. Sana perks up when she sees her, and Mina gives up Sana’s left hand for Nayeon to hold.

Hours drag on like this. Sana is in massive amounts of pain between her contractions and there are times where she loses consciousness between them. They can tell it’s only getting worse as the time stretches on. Mina, Jihyo, and Nayeon were all getting restless from anxiety, but none of them wanted to leave Sana’s side.

When it’s finally time for her to start actually pushing, Mina and Jihyo were kicked out. Sana’s heart rate spikes and Nayeon has to screw her eyes shut as the chaos begins. She never thought of herself as religious, but she prayed to every deity in existence as Sana pushed. She just wanted them both to get through this. It was all she wanted. All she needed. She couldn’t lose them, either of them. She couldn’t lose her family. The doctors are all swarming around as Sana’s pushes. The machines are beeping loudly and Nayeon almost feels like it’s too much. Sana’s screams of pain are louder, and she squeezes even harder on Nayeon’s hand. 

After an hour of pushing, everything suddenly goes quiet. The silence fills Nayeon with absolute pure panic, her eyes still screwed shut as she holds Sana’s hand. Moments later, the sound of crying fills the room and Nayeon feels like she can finally breathe again.

“You hear that Sana? That’s Nico.” Nayeon whispered, looking down at her wife. Sana is flushed and covered in sweat, her eyes barely open and her breath slow.

“Nico…” Sana trailed off. “My baby.”

“Yeah. Yeah that’s her.” Nayeon whispered. “And she can’t wait to meet you-” Suddenly the machines get louder and everyone is swarming again. Sana’s heart rate monitor flatlines and the doctors are scrambling around them. Nayeon is just left there to sit, her heart absolutely shattering. “Sana… Sana!” She couldn’t help but scream her name, pure panic and fear filling her veins. “Sana! Wake up!” The doctors are working on Sana, but the loud continuous beep of the flatlining machine doesn’t stop. It rings in Nayeon’s ears as she’s forced to just watch. Watch as the love of her life slipped away from her world. 

Nayeon feels numb, and hollow. Like this isn’t really happening. But once the doctors turn to her with a sad expression and a “sorry for your loss” Nayeon is forced to face reality. She’s forced to face the reality as her entire world crashes and burns right in front of her eyes.

Nayeon had always hated Seoul. She hated the people. She hated the bright neon lights on her walk home at night. She hated her parents. But most of all, she hated the memories of the love of her life dying right there in front of her.


End file.
